Ceciphus

VD Debrief

2011-02-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

Not really going to talk much about Valentine's Day - I just thought the double entendre was too much fun to pass by.

Have a lot of screaming pink baggage waiting for me on the platform on this one. So why dance around it? I am torn between wanting to visit the memories and not wanting to revisit the unhappiness. Can't even call it pain. For once that's too melodramatic for me. That almost never happens.

So while I have an extended internal debate on the rock that is the desire to touch the dancing flames and the hard-place that is being extremely flammable, I'll talk about Matryoshka.

You know, Russian nesting dolls? I have no idea if the word is plural already. I guess I could do what I always do and rely on the kindness of google strangers but eh, who am I trying to kid. Lazy day, lazy way.

Anyway, in the ongoing epic saga that is the Thing-A-Day challenge, I hit "M" and couldn't think of anything that was people-y. Been trying to keep the cats anthropomorphic because I like making those kind of vignettes the best. The most fun, the most snark potential. tee hee and junk but, also the most time consuming.

Sooo?

I cheated.

Big whoop - the entire TAD thing is self monitored anyway but I have a bracelet order pending and need more time to devote to that - it actually pays - and I felt a sudden desperate need to get ahead of the game on making these time consuming kitty critters. In January I made a cat matryoshka that I call a Catryoshka and I've had this "making of" spiel ready to go about it for some time. I just wanted to space out posting about the things I make along the way for my own amusement. Both to give each item its own entry spotlight and to have something to blog about that isn't related to those noisy belfry denizens. So since I had the photo ready to go, I put her in the TAD as "M".

So now, the rest of her story:

Sketch/template. Always have to begin with drawings of some kind:

Sketchy "memory" - Ha, ha!

I really couldn't remember how the babushkas were depicted on the dolls, so I took a stab at crocheting this version with the ears fully prominent and a cloak clasped at the throat:

Hood of Hell

Uhm. Somewhere between devil kitten in drag and Little Red Riding Hood Does Hades.

So I got my lazy ass up off the couch and google imaged my way through some basic research before trying another sketch:

Post Look-up

Maybe knock the ears back to remove some of the more satanic overtones?

Kinda Cute

Hmm. Me like. Maybe work gooder. So, to the hook:

Round Headed Catryoshka

Now, that's more like it. And only one stray trial. Cool. But wait!

How to make them nesting? Go 3D and make vessels? Maybe someday with yarn. Would need to score a nice color-scheme for the stash-let I'm building. Yeah, 3D but not right now.

Actually crochet smaller and smaller thread versions? Uh, no. This scale was hard enough and going bigger in thread? Double no.

What to do, what to do?

Oh. Of course, my beloved photoshop:

Woo Hoo!

So that's the saga of the little Catryoshka. I do occasionally think things somewhat through, and when I actually do, by God, the documentation of my efforts will see the light of day. Well, at least the light of the CRT. ;-)

Hook On!
C

Oops on the TAD 2011

2011-02-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

I moved the autoposts from my Thing-A-Day 2011 blog to Cecinatrix here at blogger. I'm trying to keep that one as my "official bidnez" blog and Ceciphus (this one) as more my whining, wishing, bitching blog. I imagine that's why I've posted more often to the Ceciphus blog: there is always time for a good whine. It's the business uses for social media that just seem to elude me. Hey, look at that - yet another whine! Oooooo. Spooky.

... and since whining, wishing, blah blah blah are all rather embarrassing in the wrong hands (OK in any hands) I'll just keep trying to play web roulette without advertising. Must remember to think before I link.

Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link. Think before I link.Think before I...

hook on, C ...

link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link.Think before I link....

Day 11

2011-02-11T22:09:00.001-08:00

K is for the King Cat

Day 10

2011-02-10T22:40:00.001-08:00

J is for Jester Cat

Day 9

2011-02-09T22:59:00.001-08:00

I is for Inmate

At least that's what the neon orange jumpsuit with numbers on the chest means here in Texas.

Day 8

2011-02-08T16:53:00.001-08:00

H is for Hornet Cat

Day 7

2011-02-07T22:32:00.001-08:00

G is for Gnome

Day 6

2011-02-06T16:32:00.001-08:00

F is for Fairy Cat

Woo hoo! Got one posted before the sun set. (In my time zone anyway.)

More on the Empty Book

2011-02-06T01:16:00.000-08:00

Remember the empty book I made a while back? I didn't think so. Here's a pic:

Empty Pages, Floppy Cover

Well, I was whining on about it's... lack of rigidity / excess of flaccidity. Didn't think I'd bother trying to fix it but I am the least qualified person to make any predictions on my future behavior and I took a stab at it.

Updated Cover

I slipstitch embroidered (surface crocheted I believe is the technical term) the front cover. I then took the border off the covers, made 2 additional rectangles for inner covers and crocheted the new pairs together around the outer edges with a new border. Left them both open on the fold line so I could slide a piece of repurposed plastic trimmed to fit into each pocket. Now it stands on its own with minimal peek-out-age of the pages:

Looking More Book-like

The title turned out a little off center on the front cover - not sure what went wrong there. I took into account the height the borders would add to the cover but apparently over-compensated (or under?) the effect on cover length. Whatever, done mostly on a whim. Weeeeeell, the gaping space did eventually get on my nerves enough to cause me to dig out some white beads and stitch them on in a jauntily haphazard way - purely unintentional way but kinda snazzy all in all. If I do say so my too-lazy-to-redo-it self.

I even took a stab at stitching the title on the spine:

Serial Killer Writing

I didn't take the time to detach the covers completely when I did the spine and didn't have the room to do the surface chains. I did try to and got a letter or two on but the spacing was going to be way way off. Too off to pass off as conscious decorative decision like the front cover beadwork. So I "regular" embroidered. As regular as my straight stitch "embroidering" can get. To be fair, it was a very cramped space for the embroidery needle and the sausage-fingered embroiderer to deal with, but that doesn't detract from the fact that I pretty much suck and blow at embroidery work. Not physically impossible as it turns out.

So the little depression pun is as complete as I currently want to make it. the pages are still floppy and bound much too closely to the spine but I feel OK about leaving it like this for now.

The thing I don't understand, though is why I changed the name from Empty Book to Open Book? I like Empty Book better. Maybe I was embarrassed. I intended to post this version at flickr where my family knows that I roam. I am not comfortable discussing the more snarling depression-fueled thoughts coursing through my medicated psyche with them. Or any of these kind of thoughts for that reason. Yeah, that's why I blog about it. Crazy woman. But then journaling in private on paper is not nearly as cathartic for me as journaling in public online. Danger makes it better? Getting caught increases the thrill? Don't know. But it works for me... For now. And that's all I can ask.

Hook On
C

Another Day Another Cat

2011-02-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

Why obsess on cats? Why breathe oxygen? It just is what it is.

E is for Ewok Cat

I've been playing around with the whistles and bells and other wipe-your-butt-for-you technology at Posterous. Tomorrow's cat entry may actually be autoposted. Freaky-ass world we live in or what?

Hook On!
C

Ever just have a crazy idea?

2011-02-05T00:29:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be fun to try the Thing-A-Day for February 2011.

It has, but it's also a lot more work than I wanted to devote to anything. Ever. Nah, not really. I'm just butt tired right now and everything seems rather bleak as a result.

The main blog is on Posterous and I needed an account to participate, so I have yet another set of password, username and blog to not use to its full advantage. I have no idea whatsoever how to use all the whistles and bells available. One of the perks of going all curmudgeonly is that I really don't have to be bothered to learn all the newfangled technology and other assorted hipness. Just get by with what I can figure out. That's the nice thing about the modern age of tech - the absolute bases of basics are easy to get a handle on.

I opted for an alphabet based series at Cecinatrix & Thing-A-Day. Hardly original but I like the idea of a nearly symmetrical effort. Nicely almost matching numbers - 28 days, 26 letters. I can always finagle something for the last two days. Maybe binding the images in a book. On a banner. A nice "the end" at the end maybe, too.

Besides, I put my own spin on the thing, of course. My brand of little fridgie cats. Again , of course. Calling it my Catphabet. Ha!

Man I'm tired.

'night and... something about a hook?

C

Oh, a photo:

A is for Apple Cat

Pennants and Bulbs

2011-01-25T15:23:00.001-08:00

I'm kind of on a "from notes to object" kick right now. Maybe share some more Xmas before I move on.

Christmas Bulb Garland

Crocheted in nylon thread because I originally intended it to go on the outside of my door in lieu of a wreath which I didn't have time to make but am allowing to ferment up in the composter between my ears until next year's yuletide.

Trouble is, I work so small that the resultant banner would not have made much of an impact on the door alone. Nasty, peeling, brown-like paint festoons my industrial issue apartment door and it just sucked the life out of all the festive colors.

I'll make it some friends for next season and then crochet bomb the living heck out my own door like a craft felon hopped up on sugar and on the lam from the law. Or something like that.

Anyway. Here are the "notes" I took while working on the garland:

Notes

Offered as explanation to anyone wondering why it takes me so long to write out a pattern. ;-)

What's truly frightening is that, as the photo clearly shows, I actually thought things out before just diving into the making - I even used math to determine proper spacing of the bulbs. And the math panned out! What's that about? I am forever making errors in calculations like these. Maybe it was my Xmas present from the cosmos. One good day of pre-planning.

By the way, that little drawing up in the left-hand corner of the notepad? That's my preliminary sketch. The image that I scribble while trying to translate the picture in my head into something that can be visualized in at least 2 dimensions on paper at first and then hopefully, three in thread.

Pre-planning. I'll begrudge a small nod in concession to its potential usefulness - but nothing more than that. Laziness, impetuousness and the propensity to be frustrated are all I've ever know. Don't try to take them from me now.

;-)

Hook On!
C

Merry Dalekmas

2011-01-25T15:09:00.000-08:00

This idea popped into my head over the holiday season that I simply couldn't shake. Oh, OK, so I didn't want to shake it. I sooo wanted to make it a reality! Really cut into my gbread cowboy production time but, hey, some impulses must be obeyed. At least around here they do.

So, a little cheek inspired by the good Dr.

Merry Dalekmas

Artistic process and the inner workings of the mind are rather interesting to me. It always makes me smile to find that my mind likes to work like this:

Initial Idea - Sketchlet

Online Research/Inspiration/Pilfering

Trial, Error & Documentation

Finished Project

Exterminate! La! La! La!

tee hee

Hook On.
C

Xmas 2010 Cards

2011-01-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

I did get a few things done over the holidays. Only recently took photos of them all though.

Cards:

I always wait too long to start the production line on the crocheted ornament that is at the center of my card effort every year which makes the cards going overseas more than a little late. It's only a few cards but still late is seriously cheesy on my part. OK so some might argue that the cards themselves are cheesy, but I work hard on said cheese and even cheesy love is still love shared.

So this year I decided to make an overseas batch in one production go so that I could mail them off without having to wait for them all to be finished. Uh d'uh.

This year's theme: Gingerbread Cowboys

G-bread Cowboys

My previous attempts at decorating standard blank cards has left me terribly annoyed with my cretinous artistic ability so I forwent the headache this year and used gingerbread paper dolls as cards. I lifted the paper gingerbread man pattern from a website (I'll post the name when I find it again). Hmm. Hope that's pc - these weren't made for sale. I didn't even think I'd be posting them but I kinda like the way they turned out. Even if I inexplicably chose to make them out of orange cardstock. The crocheted gingerbread feller was taped to the inside of the last paper guy in the row.

Sparkle Card

I made the version above for a family with a young girl. I always loved sparkle as a kid - uh and even now as an age-challenged kid. It was also a paper chain style cutout attached at the hands but with four little guys and a longer message written across their arms.

Done and mailed, I moved on to the domestic cards.

At the G-bread Corral

The tall one at the end of the top row is the prototype. I didn't intend for the production-run versions to be shorter/smaller or have a different shade of blue for their jeans, just kind of happened. Ah, inconsistency, my old friend.

This time I dug out the red and green cardstock:

Crochet Carrier Cards

The hands couldn't be attached in situ, so I tied them together, hopefully decoratively, with red and green crochet thread - which "oddly enough" I have easy access butt-load amounts around my home.

Anyway, they went out a couple of days before X-day and the person I heard from got them in the mail on time but was not at home in time to receive it. The others... no idea.

Oh, wait. Some idea. The family in England sent me a nice card and update photo on the little lady. I was touched. I'm an emotional thing, leave me to my moment.

And the PA that comes to my home to make sure I'm still alive said she knew it was made with love and that she appreciated it. But I don't know. My brother mentioned that very morning, to my abject horror, that the fudge brown thread I used made the creatures look like they were in black-face. Of course this was after I had completed all 18 of them and the only other brown color I have is very coppery and rather unpleasant looking to my eye. So now I think that her initial reaction which was rather generically cautious and coupled with a confused sounding inquiry to its nature may have been actually the look of insult and shock. At the time I added super-quickly, "It's a gingerbread cowboy." with the comment-of-shame running through my head. So the whole "I know it was made with love." - was it actually a "I know you didn't mean anything racially insulting about this." off the hook statement? I hate being paranoid, but I hate both Hate as a noun and hurting people's feelings even more.

So my Xmas cards for 2010. Hit or miss? I'll never know without asking and that's even more pathetic and desperate than whinging about it online. "just love me, dammit" Speaking of which, judging by the volume of his meowing, my cat needs some attention. Probably knocked over his water bowl again. Is it love if I'm at his little fuzzy beckon call? Eh. At least I get to pet his stripes off in the process and that's close enough to love for me.

Hook On!
C

Sidetracked by Uselessness

2011-01-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

Let me explain that:

It's pretty obvious by now that I fall into a funk very easily. So last week, as the funk did descend, I considered expressing my ennui with... everything by making a little book to be titled "Useless - a Self-portrait". Oh how I loves me the melodrama.

Lil Bit

Looks a lot like a rectangular Oreo doesn't it? Mmmm. Irony for the food addict.

Anyway. The book was a simple premise: a little crocheted book with solid covers and spine but with empty pages. Not just blank pages - empty. Each page like a little open frame.

Empty & Open

You know, a book that would be useless as a journal. Useless. Get it? Not too subtle? Hey cut me some slack, work stemming from a funky melodramatic impulse isn't supposed to be elegant - just self-indulgent.

So what's the problem? Why so long no post?

It took me three freaking days to get it done! Three! Days! My hand-brain commlink just wouldn't stay connected. By the time the neurological solar-flares cleared the funk had lifted and my newly stabilized mood considered the title and project a tad excessive. That kind of sapped all the desire to complete it from my wretched little soul.

But I also found myself tired of being incomplete. Person, woman, capitalist, maker - you freakin' name it.

So I pushed on and put the thing together.

Floppy Mess

All I see are flaws. The pages needed to be starched to lay flat and even. The covers are too floppy making it all look like a skinny wedge of cake rather than a hearty little book. The title needed to be stitched on before attaching the back cover to the spine - too hard to do blind now even though there is enough space. All in all frustrated and disappointed.

Sum Total

So it lays in the pile-o-completed-stuff-that-is-really-only-kinda-finished-but-that-I-still-have-no-idea-what-to-do-with corner of my room.

Incomplete.

Is it worth it to reinforce the pages with wire, double up the covers around felt inserts and bully my way into stitching the title into the spine?

No.

Maybe.

I don't know.

It really just doesn't matter. Which is usually my code catch-all phrase for "it freaking matters all too much to me and I don't want to think about it anymore". Maybe a little time away from it will settle my mind. After all, when it comes to books I do tend to take years to finish them. Reason/justification to stick with the small, fast projects. Small projects for small attention spans... and minds.

Hey, wait. It IS a small project. And it's undone. Incomplete.

Minuscule mind then.

Well at least I took the photo and can move on to other things. Have a backlog of Xmas stuff that I want to write about. But one thing at a time. These posts are long and rambling enough as is.

Hook On.
C

Lil Hooky and Beyond

2011-01-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

Hooky and company

Like the lighting? All creepy and crappy. A little nuts too. It's surprisingly hard to hold a flashlight over your head while using a camera without a tripod. Really must invest in a secondary light source. Maybe a little plastic toy-sized tripod too.

So. Why? Well, Hooky looked lonely and I didn't write down how to make him so I thought I'd kill both proverbial birds and make Hooky a little aqua-blue friend in my regular size 10 cotton crochet thread milieu with pen and paper at the ready.

Lil Hooky

Here's a photo that offers a sense of scale for both Hookys and also indisputable documentary evidence of the extent to which my giant meatloaf of a ginger puss Grendel can be an annoying little interloper:

Cat Scale

Big cat, small hook-y beings. And yet, no notes. Best laid plans of senile middle-aged bats and cats...

So what about the green hook in the photos? This whole thing started as an idea for a plushie-softie-stuffed toy style bolster type pillow. Then the doll idea popped up. So when I needed to do yet another prototype for the purposes of taking notes (which of course didn't happen - again) I went for the pillow shape - in thread of course.

Crocheted Crochet Hook

When prototyping and "doing one to take notes", I always prefer to work small because:

1) The project works up a lot faster.
2) The turnaround on take notes/test notes is also faster.
3) See the big picture better which makes alterations on the fly easier.
4) I have butt-loads of thread and not a lot of yarn.
5) Attention span/focus/motivation wane very quickly at Casa La Ceci.

So yeah, working small is definitely the way to go for me. So what did I do yesterday? Used yarn for the next prototype:

crochet hook head - side

same thing - different angles

Just some spare acrylic left over from yet another crazy-broad sock/bootie project:

House Boots

You know, to keep the toes warm for the week and a half of barely under below freezing weather that makes up Texas winter.

No, not an optical illusion. They are fairly honking huge. Another photo with random cat offering scale:

"My, but what big feet you got, Ma'am."

That's Beowulff in the photo - "Wulffie" by day, "Shut Up You Damned Cat" by night. About half the size of Grendel in the cat scale photo above but still...

Yep. Big booties for big feet. Different colors ain't a statement, honey - one skein per foot is about how I rock. So y'see, I had some yarn left over for the furthering adventures of the crocheted crochet hook and since the skeins were already out of storage and within eye shot/arms length I went with the easy. AND I wrote down what I did!

Yay!

Tomorrow I'll make a single color version to check the directions I wrote as well as figure out the rest of the shaft. The head was the hard part. Working things out using 2 strands together is kind of too big a pain for R&D.

One strand to test them all,
One strand to design them,
One strand to work out all
and in the darkness bind them.

Eh. Whatever.

Snarkily Hooking On
C

Hope

2011-01-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

I woke up troubled and down. My head filled with the darkness of man. People dead for the sake of viral weakness and pettiness: political agenda, commercialism, religion, partisanship - all used as justification. Towers of commerce, domestic military base, high school, congressional meet and greet locations and events added to a list of acts of violence that are so horrific that their true numbers fade into one huge litany of despair. Deepening this pit of hopelessness, natural disaster rears up to claim even more souls, yet instead of empathy and condolence, solace and Relief there is internal strife with names called and fingers pointed over bipartisan tendencies.

Hard, ugly hearts needing someone/thing to blame for that which stems from within each of us.

And yet... I turn on the computer to find this story from the AP:

Video: Hockey crowd sings after 8-year-old's national anthem glitch

Elizabeth Hughes, 8, made her debut signing the national anthem at an AHL Norfolk Admirals (the Tampa Bay Lightning's affiliate) game against the Connecticut Whale (New York Rangers' affiliate) last Friday night. Angelic voice, bundle of nerves ... and then after the words "gave proof," her microphone abruptly cut out.

What happened next might be something we've seen before at a sporting event, but that never lacks for inspiration (and maybe a misty eye or two). There's a moment around 1:30 into this clip that gives us hope for humanity: An 8-year-old girl is about to suffer a moment of extreme embarrassment that's not of her creation. A woman in the crowd cackles at this moment; not laughs, cackles. You then hear someone "shoosh" those like her during the brief silence. You then hear the crowd pick up the tune in unison.

Yes, I'm oversensitive to the foibles of mankind and that makes me sucker for sentimentality. But this clip made me happy and for once people gave me hope.

I expend too much energy on trying not to look like a sap. So I see the ugly in everything to be fashionably bleak. Unfortunately unintentional. Habit. Sickening habit. The "cackling woman" threatens the life of this glimmering hope in my heart. I have to fight that. Despair grows of its own volition, I don't need to help it. Sweet little girl, wonderful musical gift, patriotism used to rescue and support - all things more beautiful, unique and special than the gleaning of yet another example of unnecessary ridicule and hateful behavior.

So with a tenuous grip on a very fragile hope for the world I bid you all,

Hook On
C

Hmmm and huh?

2011-01-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

I got so carried away with the shiny shiny of the Anchor thread yesterday that I did not notice that it looks a little like tape-style too. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to give up on the imagined affront to my all too human (and vaguely purely American) need for convenient and instantly gratifying commerce.

Too bad. Some days being indignant is the only exercise I get.

Hook On!
C

Crocheting from memory.

2011-01-11T05:34:00.000-08:00

Bad Idea?

It is if you have my memory.

To make a short story long -

on the way to replace this thread:

Lion Brand Lame'

with this thread:

Darice Gold Metallic

I ran across these, well, uhm, thick threads? thin yarns?

Silver and Gold

Off of ebay. From a lovely vendor who added some nice little freebies - a cool "evil eye" bead, a nice steel crochet hook in the size range I frequent and a postcard of Turkey - not that random a thought - she's from there. All very nice and greatly appreciated. The thread wasn't exactly what I thought it was. Yes, there were photos. Good ones too. I just can't seem to translate 3D images in my mind's eye. Judging distances when driving can be thrilling or annoying depending on which side of the car you're on. ;-D

So anyway, I hate returning things. Especially gilded threads/yarns because we seem to have a fear of these products in America. I found some English and Australian web shops with some awesome looking metallics made by Anchor:

Oooo ... purty
image lifted from "the find"

... but could not find an American distributor. I'm hesitant to order from private websites overseas. Even ebay occasionally gives me pause if the vendor contact info looks dodgy. Paranoid? Yeah but broke too. Can't financially afford to rely on the kindness of strangers without a paypal backup.

Are Americans really afraid to be colorful and shiny? I mean Lion discontinued the Lame` series and to my knowledge haven't yet replaced it. Sure they have Glitterspun yarn:

mmmm - right purty midnight blue
image lifted from Lion website

...which is pretty as all get out, but is also a tape whose loveliness suffers greatly at the hand of traditional crochet stitches. Besides, its like, what, 300 times thicker than the size 10 crochet thread I like to use. (OK. Maybe not, 3D translation problems + sarcastic bitch tendencies = hyperbole.)

The other crochet thread companies that I stalk (those that distribute in the US)only have the same old lackluster style of thread that is 95% cotton and 5% flimsy-ass tinsel:

image lifted from google

Did I mention I don't like that? Commit dammit! If all you want is a little bit of sparkle, use sequins and beads or even glitter paint - that's what they are designed for. Timidity from a country that purports to be so bold in other aspects bugs the living crap out of me. Mainly because I find it inconvenient to me. Why else work up a head of steam about anything: How does this affect me? Ooo. Sarcasm. And so early in the morning too. ;-)

I digress.

Where was I? Thread? Really? Wow. So okay, I encountered a post-holiday crafting malaise that left me crochet-shy for my normal thing and was looking around for something creative to stimulate my brain cells enough to justify being awake when my eye fell on these metallic yarn/threads languishing on a shelf (stacked pile, whatever). Hmm. Still close to Christmas (at the time) so why not use the silver for a snowflake. Maybe a garland for next year's decorating efforts. So...

Weenie Snow Flake

New Year's Resolution and 1st Life Lesson of the New Year

1. Never do anything from memory.

Check.

So flaming lame. Not lame' either, just plain lame ... and also just plain plain. Snowflake plan on hold pending some real talent or source material to ~~steal from~~ uh, emulate in sanctified homage.

What's a gal to do? Why, turn to the ever expanding list of planned projects.

And that's how you wind up with things like:

Hooky McGee
and friend

Disappointment with the face aside, I'm rather pleased with the stocky little body and limbs.

Hmmmmm.

Time for more prototyping.

tee hee and wheeeee

Hook On!
C

Woo Hoo! - 2011

2010-12-31T23:40:00.000-08:00

A new year. Another day.

Sigh... and yipee!

Ah, but life is a conundrum. I despise hearing "oh it's just a day like any other" in reference to days of celebration yet I am one of the most apathetic people in the universe. It feels like apathy bonds together the amino acids of my physicality while celebration is the amorphous metaphysical spark that animates this golem of useless yet prodigious flesh.

Weird holiday season to be sure. Keep trying to bake, keep making myself violently ill. The loss of a prominent figure from my childhood, linked to thoughts of family and memories of my dearly departed parents. Christmas Eve funerals. I wasn't in attendance. That fills me with shame. My weakness in general fills me with shame and sadness. Oh so many layers of sadness and isolation flavor the end of this past year.

I'm too much in my head. Need to venture out - someplace less toxic.

I discover that I am actually a creative and intelligent person; however, these are words that are inherently misleading. I am not an original thinker. Not a self starter. Not any of that. What I excel at is taking what others have done and building on it. Offered in example:

I write well in response to a specific cue but left to my own devices I ramble on about banal insecurities and hateful urges.

I design recipes by culling information and specific measurements from other people's recipes.

I design my art based on images from other people's work.

I tire of a project once I've figured out how to make it look like what I thought it should.

I'm an editor? A gleaner? A thief?

Maybe.

Probably.

All that comes to mind is that I am an adapter of ideas. That's why I love challenges based on a theme. Love it.

An adapter.

The Adaptrix.

Fun with adapting?

Ah well. Welcome 2011 - try not to stare directly at the crazy lady at the keyboard - she doesn't respond well to reality.

Hook On
C

Who let all these bats in here?

2010-11-15T06:15:00.000-08:00

Just a quote from Bosom Buddies TV show. You know, back when no one knew about that young feller Tom Hanks? Silly little archaic jokes pop into my head all the time. You should feel privileged that I have now deigned to share unto and upon thee these hallucinatory flashbacks.

Eh, or not.

Ahh. An attempt at humor - I must be feeling better. And well, by gum, so I do.

Slippery slope, but I got me on some steel cleats now.

What am I working on? Mainly sudden surprise orders for bracelets. I love the money and the glory .....

sorry, still chuckling from the thought of "glory"....

Ok.

So relatively big orders coming in on somewhat of a rush schedule but that is good. Weird too. Finishing a session of hard press effort always leaves me drained. Ok so getting up in the morning also leaves me drained but this is different. Kinda.

I had done my wrist a mischief while finishing up the last few bracelets so after The Mailing I thought I'd take a rest from the hook. That left me not knowing what to do with myself. If I'm not engaged mentally the sanity turns fallow and I get ... emotional. Hence the last post. It was like the flurry of constant activity filled a creative need that collapsed under the sudden hard vacuum of completing the task.Weird thing is I don't consider making bracelets to fill an order to be a creative endeavor. It's rote and ritual - like a normal job. But it did seem to fill the creative divot/chasm in my soul, at least temporarily.

Funny. I like to think that I'm independent free thinking ole me, but I'm just facade. That's why working for other people never really worked well for me. Hell, even simply being around other people has never really worked out - why should work be any different? I was always being accused, justly, of not taking initiative at work. I can see that. I would work hard but not at the right things. Always used to say that I can't read minds and how am I supposed to know what the duties are when no one spells them out. I function best when given a goal and allowed to arrive there by my own methods. I get that no employer is interested in that behavior. So I tried responding to a list but never could get the right things done. Lazy? Afraid? Unqualified? Passionless?

Passion. Interesting that. I hear creative people talk about their motivating passion. The thing that they have to do if they ever want to be happy. I've never felt passion. There are things that I love doing - thinking, learning, talking, making my crocheted vignettes and motifs, watching creative people at creating, etc. But passion? All consuming need? No. Or maybe, yes. Maybe that's what causes the post task-completion vacuum malaise that led to my little Food Network/Creative-Yearning/Missing-Baking meltdown what starred so brilliantly in my last post. Well. Wouldn't that just suck wiener?

I thought that passionate drive would be a feeling of fun. Enjoyment at what your doing. But then those chefs look like hell while being filmed. When I used to attend the traveling Broadway musicals downtown I was struck by this same phenomenon in the revolutionaries of Les Miserables. I wept openly at the beauty of their passion to be free. But really, they weren't happy. Not in the day to day things. They focused on the glory of their goal, their passion, to give their lives purpose. Or as I like to say "to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning." Is that the passion that the creative go on about? I loved to bake and still do, but I was never Charlene Hustle in the kitchen. Was I passionless because I wouldn't run around as if the hearts of a million crippled children held hostage in the dank recesses of the walk-in fridge would simultaneously stop then explode if that one particular dessert-centered task did not get completed? I don't run. I barely blink. All about conservation of energy for me, even though it will all eventually drain out in storage and dissipate into the ether - but that's a theme for another psychotherapy session.

Is it then that to be passionate is to be miserable? A man's reach exceeding his grasp and all. Metaphysical reaching is motivating and beautiful to behold yes, but if the price is never feeling happy or fulfilled... what's the point? I've seen the light of burning desire off in the distance and I've expended copious amounts of sweat and tears (and lesser amounts of blood) to get to it but I've never gotten close enough to it to even identify what it actually is. A vague need to create. Crocheted art and jokes. Pastries. Science. Diplomas. One Act Play. Band. Going back in time. I've failed them all. Yet, I don't feel miserable. I do become very sad and occasionally wonder which will claim my life first- depression or obesity, but I just don't run toward those lights anymore. Or maybe I never actually ever ran at them that hard to begin with.

I think that I have tried to be Hustle Hannah in the past. I certainly used to care about doing a good job at one point. But that faded when it never led to anything, just more demands and criticism. No fun and no motivation to continue. Must being an adult be such a chore? No room for enjoyment?

Oh, come on. That can't be right.

Ah well. Too late now. My bridges are smoldering ruins of neglect and disinterest. Except that lone rickety rope bridge over the Gorge of Bottomlessness that still sways precariously in the breeze, beckoning me forth toward crochet funnies. Is it still art if it is meaningless to anyone but yourself? Do I care?

Not lately. ;-)

Hook On and stuff,
C

TV as Masochism.

2010-11-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

Not even truly pleasurable masochism at that. PHOOEY!

Found out late September that the basic cable I pay for does more than provide actual, clear recognizable-objects level reception. Ah. Remember the good old days of free TV? Before the take-over coup by the horde army of Digital? Sure reception was ethereal and tenuous but by gum it was free. You digital kids get off my yard!

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Found out I now have access to the Food Network. Woo hoo! Watching the high life and only, what, 10 yrs after everyone else? Of course I suspect that the FN is only available to those of us in the cheap/broke-ass seats because they are trying to hawk the new Cooking Network to all the foodies out there - even the poor ones. Joke is on them- I'm happy with the "relic". Passe to the pundits is pure love for this TV 'ho/junkie.

So what about the masochism? Well there is the eating disorder and its concomitant unhealthy weight and rapidly shortening life span. Which I'm used to and have almost completely conceded victory to - won't technically be a win until I'm planted in the cold hard ground with a fajita taco in one hand and fresh Mollete in the other. Too much to explain to those that will never understand. And as for the brethren -I'm tired of thinking about it at all.

So. The one thing I missed from my life in science was being with interesting people from everywhere. The learning/new information that I need to thrive came from talking to those people and not from the science. Not enough from the science, thus explaining the switch to pastry world.

When I lost the ability to stand up long enough to work in the kitchen, I was asked to leave the profession - well ok, to leave the premises, but the profession was included by extension. The only thing I missed from that life was the baking. The creating and decorating. Even in a corporate employee cafe (cafeteria) and a fancy-schmancy, high-falutin' hotel kitchen where the freedom was limited and the life tedious, there was the baking. The making. I missed it but was about to enter a few years of mental breakage and the only thing I was capable of was the shut down. Years where big global and smaller national events happened and I never knew about it. I was alive but not ... awake?

After I woke up, my life was pretty screwed. Up past my eyeballs in debt without a job and only just qualified for handicapped assistance. I didn't have options, but at least I was awake. I had forgotten about baking. I was trying to stay afloat and out of bed- dodging creditors, doing my crochet, flikr, etsy - anything to stop another slide downward. So I'm still screwed but I'm in a good place with the wackywoo - no one hovering around with the big butterfly net anymore. I think it's called "stable".

And I started watching the Food Network. I enjoy it. It is another reason to bother getting out of bed. But something is wrong. I miss baking again. No money for healthy food let alone baking supplies, diabetic out the wazoo, trapped in a funk. I see these careers. The hopeful youth with so much ahead of it. And I funk out. It's over. Sure, there is time to start over, I guess. I mean Grandma Moses wasn't a complete aberration. I believe it can be done. But I'm weak - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, morally and above it all, a coward. I know I lack the discipline, determination and courage to run my own business. I quit. I'm a quitter. I lose interest and I quit. I become afraid and I quit. I long and I quit.

So I take it back. The masochistic lure of the Food Network does bring with it pleasure, and then it reminds me of the fucking shit that I've made out of my life.

Hurts so good, don't it?

It is said that this too shall pass. It will. But right now it's here and partying down in the lowest reaches of my psyche. I can hear the rattling. Maybe it's just settling in for the Holidays. The empty, empty holidays.

But that is therapy for a different day, children. My hour is over and I need to leave and give the check to the receptionist. Don't forget to turn out the lights.

Hook on.
C

Halloweenie 2010

2010-11-01T22:22:00.001-07:00

I love Halloween. Love it I say. Love love love. But alas, there was no joy here at the apartment complex where fun goes to vegetate. Another year gone without visitation - all candied up and no little ghouls unto which to lavish the joy of a cosmic sugar rush. Sigh. Mildly undaunted, I decided to make some friends:

Kitty Corn & Ghostie Puss

Two new Holiday Critter Cats for my collection. Tee hee and bwa ha.

Hook On!
The C

A little photoshop:

- and I still suck with a camera.

Rant rant rant... and junk.

2010-10-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

There is a dark and treacherous neighborhood down at the end of the long, dusty by-way of my subconscious mind. And they are having a block party!

Wheee.

But, alas, I am stuck in wholesale order mode. True to form - the harder I try to rush the order the crappier the bracelets get. And I'm further behind now than I was when I was waiting for the laughably labeled "rush order" supplies to arrive. I hit a time inversion somewhere.

So couple my "business" woes with the nightmare fall-out between my cats from hell that has left all 4 inhabitants of my home bloody, bruised and nervously eviscerated and it has been a very unproductive and aggravating Sunday.

Does anyone else hear a hard vacuum being sucked?

Ooops. Just me. My bad. Maybe I'll add my 2 cent twit about this. No one needs to be original.

Always be hooking,
C

Ooopsie

2010-09-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Had to put down (physically instead of just verbally) the filet mega-project to work on a bracelet order. An order that uses the gold lame thread that Lion Yarn no longer makes - of course. So have gone nuts looking for alternate gold thread that is more than merely gold tinsel wrapped around mustard colored thread. Now, why didn't I do this back when I first found that Lion had pulled the crocheted rug out from under me? Do I need to answer that? This is me talking. I do everything wrong, late and/or the hard way.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

:-)

But seriously, I did start looking for alternatives long ago because whenever I tackle a golden project it seems to take up a lot of product. Might have something to do with the package having only 75 yards to it as opposed to the standard 150 yds of the other crochet threads I use. Had the supplier websites bookmarked to try later. You know, for when something forces me to take action in as blind a panic as possible. "The undramatic life is not worth living." Oh! Wait! The actual quote says the "unexamined" life, doesn't it? Oop - my Freudian slip of a bad. ;-D

Where was I? Oh yeah, bitching. So I put in orders using the half-up-front payment for the bracelets and none of the candidates were viable. Back to the hunt - and bada my bing, Halle my lujah - I found something that looks the same as the Lion stuff. On the roll. In the cellophane package. Is actually finer and brighter and comes only 50 yds to the tube. Whatever. Go for it.

So now I'm short on beads and on thread. Have no more advance money for more product. Have no more money money until the 3rd. And I enjoy making my life this inconvenient? What an idiot.

I'm already a month late on the order and I feel like ... well... an idiot. :-) So back to the salt mine. Push through and deal with it. "Keep bitchin' and carry on."

Maybe just one more scream.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Whew. Better now.

Hook On,
C

This is so stupid!

2010-09-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

OK. I had a little trouble picking up the hook this summer. Just couldn't get into it. Got into reading a couple of "chick-lit" type series of novels instead. Total immersion in someone else's fictive world is a good way to hide from myself and apparently, (becoming obvious to me, yet again, only in retrospect) I was in the mood to isolate.

Well. I read the books - 25 of them (I'm kind of a fast reader)- and had only two left in the second series when I got sick and tired of the protagonists in both series. When did "strong woman" come to mean woman as selfish slut? Take some freaking responsibility for your own freaking behavior for crissakes. Do only romance writers have female protagonists? It isn't romantic to be petty while angrily promoting gyno-biased double standards. If you don't want to write about male characters acting like pigs and treating women like garbage why do you expect me to want to read about female characters acting the same freaking way? I don't want to read about a woman that is a frat boy emotionally. Just want to read about women that can think and snark and get the job done without having to be video-game level kick-ass. Mental kick-ass is so much better.

I digress. Time spent with those stories was fun and all, but I did get very tired of them. After a series of petulant rants like the one above broke the spell of living in a different reality, I was ready to think about crochet again. Not quite ready to pick up the hook but at least ready to take a stab at editing some of my more idiotically presented crochet patterns. That was kind of fun actually. Revisiting the old, even reworking a pattern or two. At least it got the proverbially ball of yarn rolling.

Eventually I did feel like actual hooking again and took on a project I've been mentally planning but physically procrastinating over for months and just couldn't get the rockets to fire. It's a large filet piece. Two feet square. The usual parameters of my work are more in the 2 inch range. Just don't like big projects. Attention span is too damned short for them. Get so frustrated and bored. Emotions that often vacillate wildly in the space of a minute. But I really wanted to participate in this collaborative project thing that the International Fiber Collective is doing with the Rocket and the scale is big so the piece needs to be big. The die was cast anyway, I may as well take up the challenge of using it.

Took me days on the computer to work up the pattern - when I usually can only stand a few hours on any planning type things. Then when actually starting the beast, I could only seem to complete one or two rows a day. A day! I couldn't go faster because I kept making mistakes and having to rip back to the nub and start over. And for some inexplicable reason I designed the thing for white thread. The more I ripped the more likely my grubby human skin oils would transfer from my hands to the thread and dinge the whole thing up. (Hmm. Does "dingy" even have a noun form?) I was pushing my luck.

Well, these past few days while combating my lingering descent into melancholia, I find that I am making much faster progress on the monster. Still making mistakes along the way, but not caring and fixing as I go. Sure the finished project will look like hell to my eyes when complete, but it's for a volunteer "happening" and I'm running out of time. WTF!? Maybe being depressed helps me focus on the repetitive? I tend to get all pseudo-ADHD about crocheting large projects. The whole "Let me put this down and go do this one thing before I forget" gestalt. But right now, straddling the abyss as I am, I find it easy to just sit and hook. The kind of mood where talking tires me out but just enough energy can be spared to keep the hands moving.

Did I mention I really like hyperbole? No abyss, just down. But that isn't as dramatic, and melodrama fuels my psyche.

So... what's so stupid? Besides the obvious, I mean.

The entirety of creation, that's what!

Uh. No. Not really.

I guess it would be the irony of increased productivity in the face of a destabilized emotional state.

Feel like crap and get a lot done = STUPID

sigh

So what else is new?

Yours in crochet,
C

sigh

2010-09-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Damn.

It.

I hadn't felt sad in months and then today,

BOOM!

SPLAT!!

- face down in the sewer once again.

Started circling the drain late yesterday and just haven't been able to break away from the pull.

Not sure what's up. Maybe trying to think of things to blog and/or tweet about has me looking too far inward. Yet I feel a need to return to these venues. To connect in some vague way. Come to think of it, the desire to reconnect, in and of itself, has always been a harbinger of emotional descent for me. In this role, need seems to inevitably mutate into a clingy desperation to be included - to belong - that is so pervasive it metastasizes to the molecular level of my soul. I become the poison that kills the garden of life and community that I seek to cultivate.

Additionally there is the effect of the final submission to the realities of illness and the consequent subjugation to its indignities. Or, less vaguely, the hard-fought choice to accept a rather draconian diabetic eating plan. Diet. Die with a T. Why hate it so? Why fight it so? This nation LOVES to diet. Why don't I? Because without the influence of the narcotic, the emotions run free and flail the flesh from my tender underdeveloped psyche. That's why.

Like all addiction, if it isn't your fight you can never understand the peril in simply existing. Drugs don't interest me. Alcohol doesn't work for me. It's about food. All about it. The only real pleasure I have known. The only real protection I have ever felt. My barrier, my armory, my reason not to die even while it digs my grave. Contrary to what most probably believe about food addiction, food isn't my reason to live. It is what makes living tolerable.

I'm not even aware of the numbing effect anymore. The sudden undirected anger and irritation followed by the unsolicited sadness just appear when the food goes away. They are such a part of me at the core of my depression that I notice neither their absence nor their presence until forced to think about how I feel. So the desire to blog is both a symptom and the means of recognition that my demons have come up from the basement to party.

Funny how pharmaceuticals don't silence the beasts as well as food does. I guess prescriptions are only meant to restrain them so that they can be rehabilitated via other avenues of mental health treatment. Too bad. Finding a good therapist that medicare will pay for is a bitch. But then again, so am I. What? I don't know. I've said this all before and nothing ever changes.

Eh.

What's a gal gonna do?

Try not to eat crap while continuing to bitch out loud... online.

The C

Hmm?

2010-09-19T23:00:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd try to get back into the real world. Well, the virtual world anyway. To wit, blogging, obviously, but also a stab at Twitting. Tweeting? Twittering? Being a Twit? Whatever.

Wow. Twitter is a fantastic way to cement the knowledge into my over-burdened little brain that I have nothing worth saying. Nothing pithy or cute. Certainly nothing succinct. No slice of life, either. Slice my life and air runs out. Mostly hot, stale air at that.

Alas.

But why let that stop me?

Twitter intrigues me. I would love to be all Will Rogers or Mark Twain about tossing out witty, yet searing, observational comments as satire. But being pithy everyday is too much for me. Hell, even monthly would be too much.

I can, however, bitch everyday. But there's probably enough of that going on. Hm. I wonder if the branded name "Twitter" is truly derived form the notion of birdies sitting around all day tweeting at each other as is implied by the cute blue budgie logo. Perhaps it is rather a tongue in cheek reference of a more sarcastic and sinister view of mass communication media. See? Bitchy. Ah, who cares? Budgies or morons - it's about interaction.

I suck at interaction. I'm always the broad at the party sitting stationary, drink in hand, talking only to whoever happens to wander into my bug-zapper zone of influence. I don't have to stand at the window and look in, I come complete with my own bell jar that can sit in the middle of a room, invisible to all, breached by none.

Maybe I'll just start Twittering nonsense in a short format. Save the exhaustive explorations of long-winded nonsensical sentiments for the blogging.

Nonsense, I can do.

Nonsense, I understand.

Nonsense it is.

Hook On, my amigurumi Chia pets, Hook On

Always,
The large, lovely and most loud C

An Award

2010-09-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

Oooo. What a lovely thought, gift and honor.

I have received an award from MarieAnge at Gambit's View - Thank You!! I love her blog and crochet and knitting, her sense of humor, her utter determination to strangle the ugliness of life into submission, her love of the odd and unique and her genuine kindness to those she cares about despite any quirks or general oddness they may exhibit from time to time.

now I have to do 3 things...

1) Thank the award giver.....Gladly! Multitudes of Thanx to the Angel.

2) Tell you 7 interesting things about myself.... Whaaaa?

3) Give the award to 15 fellow bloggers..... Wow. 15.

Soooo... Let's start with my favorite subject - me.

Seven things.

Seven interesting things.

Huh.

Well...

Uno) When I write, I like to use ellipsis... a lot. Although, I rather suspect that I use them incorrectly. More to indicate an exaggerated pause for (hopefully) comedic effect than to denote any actual omission of anything.

Dos) ...hmm... Hmmm...HMMMM. Oh! Yeah, okay. I lo-o-ove to talk. Prattle on about nothing and everything without devoting any real thought to whether or not something should be said. At least I try to keep my rantings to myself - but blogging is soooo tempting a treat/escape valve.

Tres) I speak my mind and sometimes my brain falls out through my big mouth. ie - I have regrets. And without the time traveling resources require to erase my mistakes, I hold onto these things and use them against myself when I'm feeling happy.

Quatro) I have a lot of interests but no real ambition.

Cinco) I have a negative mind set - but have received some wonderful pharmaceuticals in compensation.

Seis) I have a big, orange bastard of a cat that likes to sit on my hand as I use the mouse on the computer and then grab for my lips with his specially honed claws when I ignore his loud and excessive bleating in my ear.

Siete) In person, I seem shy. At least at first.

Now for the award giving. I'm kind of reclusive so I don't have a ready list. I will have to give the cranial snow globe a good hard shake on this one. *

It's 3 am. I'm tired... and lazy... and never seem to be able to play by the rules. So I'll complete this phase tomorrow.

I'm off to chase down a certain attention-demanding slut cat and pet his stripes off.

Hook on.
C

* Ah, the paying it forward finally comes froth from the selfish cow... and only 12 days later. At least it is still the same month. See, I really do like me - I can justify away my crap behavior to spare my own feelings. Yay me! Hmmmmmm. What is the emoticon for snarky sneer of self-derision? The "yeah, right" of the happy face world?)

Oh, yeah. Other people. Since I'm a reclusive sub-creature, I thought I would award the Versatile Blogger Award to the blogs I find most incredible.

Articulate Matter - (Whose blog link is sometimes broken but is also on Flickr) - Polymer clay squids. Telling stories with small sculptures. It's not the size of the art, it's the size of the soul behind the art. Often funny, always cool and sometimes quite thoughtful and genuine.

Chic and Jo - All crafts all the time. :-) Very clever and original crafters. Lots of free downloads, seasonal crafts, kids party and general entertainment projects and great ideas overall.

The Crafty Chica - Art Craft that leans toward the loud, colorful and kitschy all smothered in glorious Mexicaness. Wait, did I just describe my family? Well, similarities do exist! Anyway, she's great. Honest, creative, enthusiastic and the role model to end all role models for the handmade set. Knows her multimedia and is rapidly on her way to absolutely defining the "how-to" of building a grass roots crafting empire.

Dude Craft – A papercut maestro with a great attitude. Welcomes and presents solid examples of art from the world of all makers no matter the medium. Funny, free spoken without the hate and a great eye for the unusual and cool.

Embroidery as Art - Real art in real fiber. 'Nuff said, True Believer. (apologies to Stan the Man, et al.)

Eskimimi Knits – Knit thinking performed out loud. Plus yarn candy, patterns, tutorials, stories and tidbits of the fiber life.

Extreme Craft - Another collector of the cool in craft. The worthy of mention. Plus Garth Johnson is also editor of Creative Reuse - a big-store real-world book that just about makes my head explode with possibilities. And he's got a pretty cool life.

Checkout Girl - Under the Etsy "nom-de-vend" of Little Pink Houses, she makes applique portraits in felt. Felt! The high caliber of her work gives me such warm fuzzies about the potential for my own world of crochet motif applique portraits. Good slice of life blog too.

Future Girl - Interesting crafty fun of all sorts with strong sections on embroidery, knit and crochet. Some great crochet-thinking-out-loud.

How About Orange - A graphics and textile design place with awesome sections called "diy tutorials", "time wasters", "free downloads" and "resources". I likeses some paper with my fiber art and this site is simply da paper bomb.

Ikea Hacker - Aw, come on! How can this not be fantastic fun! All things Swedish-designed and American-marketed subjected to our own special Maker brand of alter, repurpose and jerryrig.

Mochimochi Land - The coolest tiny (seriously tiny) knit creatures plus so much more. Another example of the small in size/large of purpose fiber art that I so wanna do when I gwow up.

Monster Crochet - Some very cool crochet beasties and wearables. Pecan pie crocheted berets?!?!?! Come on!

Mr X Stitch - A collector of all things fabu-tastic and stitched. Some truly awesome art from string. With great guest artist postings.

PamDora - Cartoon applique art quilts. Quilting as art without the fear of the figurative or the having fun and being cool. Someday I will be an applique-goddess too.

I wonder if Satan is interested in receiving one slightly worn soul in exchange for fun living and miraculous profit?

Probably, but he would have to wrestle possession of my ass away from a plethora of credit company bounty hunters. Hmm. Might be fun to watch that. ;-)

So... "obligation" fulfilled. I loved doing this. It gave me the chance to sort through my Google Reader account and see what I had been missing this summer. My hide-from-the-heat hibernation even kept me off the blog crawling of which I had grown so fond.

I've been wanting to get back into bitching out loud (aka blogging) for quite a few days now. And lo and behold, at last, I can - without feeling sheepish about admitting that I don't have 15 friends online. Hmm or in person for that matter. The hermitage is a little isolated, after all.

Re-hook re-on,
Re-C

May

2010-05-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

... and friggin' hot already.

- Hot makes the Cecinatrix cranky

- and lethargic

- and angry

- and uncomfortable

- and even more useless than usual.

So blogging = low priority.

Living life to the extreme = not in this lifetime. Maybe the next?

Oh, wait. I haven't done anything to warrant an upgrade. I might just be slid down to rodent or something less sapient - something nice and weedy and reviled. Crab grass! Oh yeah, here I come.

Hook it already
C

Alas Poor Monkey Man

2010-04-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

Well, the exhibit in Houston said they'd pass on Monkey's Uncle -

El Tio Mono

Ah rejection, there you are. Mmmm. Thy sweet sting. ;-)

Not too surprised, actually. Even though I am proud of this portrait, it's probably not edgy enough to be considered "Contemporary Craft".

Didn't stop me from being galvanized into action. In a fit of pique, I posted and blogged about my Bell Jar Trifecta.

The Trifecta

See, I finished the last piece ages ago. I held onto it and the completion of the trio because the timing was never right to share. Too negative for the holidays, too big a psychological red flag for the post-holiday malaise into which I always descend, too dark for when I feel happy... etc.

Somehow it finally felt appropriate to share with the general public after the "not invited" automated reject from HCCC. To my credit, I did resist the powerful urge to caption the photo with "Edgy enough for ya?" Oh. Yeah, well. Except for just now that is. ;-D

Just seems odd that I can get into a show in Minneapolis but not Houston. OK OK - yes, the works were vastly different in tone. Not comparable entries at all. The ones sent up north were indeed edgy and had something to say. OH! By the by - "Depression" sold! Official gallery sale. Well exhibit sale - whatever. Happy time either way.

Where was I? Ah yes, the piece I sent to HCCC was funny and more appropriate for a show about Charles Darwin. Off topic (never was sure if there was a theme though) and frivolous - ie funny. So, yeah, not edgy enough.

Which raises the ugly specter of what is art for? To please the artist - purge the demons? To please the curators and judges? To please a patron into buying a piece? This is all sneaking around the feeling of art has to be for other people. By now, it should be beyond evident that I don't do well under such terms. Stubborn, non-team player, bad employee, big mouth, chip on shoulder - heard them all. Hell! ... been them all. It is extremely dangerous for me to feel like I'm being forced to conform to a set of rules - especially unwritten ones.

I like making what I make. Makes me happy and releases my demons. People apparently prefer the demons. Even at flickr - not a single view of the 3D bell jar but 44 of the trio where the thumbnail is centered on the applique version. Is it too difficult to see what's going on in the 3D version? It's the same subject matter - the same demon. Maybe the cage-like bell is too wonky and blocking the dolly. Don't know. Doesn't matter. Funny thing is that I had already posted the applique version back when I first made it in March 2008 and it didn't get that much attention then. Well it got 40 views overall but not in one day. Good news I guess. More people strolling by my photostream these days? Gotta love getting more love. But it is confusing.

OK Gotta stop getting caught up in the numbers thing. I'm always looking for signs and indications and it always drives me spare.

At least this explains why I have so much trouble deciding what to feature at my etsy store. I can't seem to figure out what my niche is, who my target demographic is, and everything else all the advice sources... uhm... advise. Underneath it all I am probably resisting figuring these things out because I resent having to jump through hoops to get people to want my precious acts of thread vandalism. I am just so fucked in the head.

Crazy and knowing it,
C

Rolling Right Along

2010-04-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, great, now that song from the Muppet Movie is spinning around in my head. Hmm. I kinda like it. Nice and peppy.

Anyway, on the creative front today:

Finished the ATC for swap and moved on to the next dangling loose thread.

Rip and restart on that heart repeat journal cover. Not happy with the whole concept. Too bulky - makes the covers bulge out. So use fabric on the inside. I don't have a fabric stash. Need to look around for something that screams "me" - but not so loudly that I can't get it past the post office. My name raises some kind of vermilion pennant over there.

Soooo... do I really want to make journal covers? I didn't like making jewelery. Do I have to like what I do? Does my right hand have to approve of what my left hand is doing?

I can't believe I'm stuck in this again. Find your niche already and move on. Not getting any younger or healthier or luckier or happier so I may as well at least be more productive.

I'm hung up on being original. Unique. Fun. Viral. Profitable.

My head is drooping to the side with the added weight of the maelstrom of worry and fret that is flooding the right side of my brain. Left wants to have fun, right wants to worry about money and the future and accidental misfortune and hardship and death and longing... the usual - only more so.

Find myself wishing I was normal. With the husband and 2.3 kids and house and cars and pool and 401K and IRA and freakin' friends. Instead of what I am. But what I am, I am by choice - just sometimes it's tiring and lonely and just sucks more than sucking should ever suck.

And right now, the malt is too thick and I have inadvertently signed on to be the straw.

Hook on.
C

Change of Focus

2010-04-08T22:22:00.000-07:00

After completing last night's list it occurred to me that I was running beyond late on the atc project and felt like a proper idiot and complete jerk-ette for neglecting my commitment - even if it is an informal one. Maybe because so.

So I spent the day on the atc. Didn't get very far because I started with, now get this, a sketch. gaaaaaaaaasp Ow! Gasped so hard that the resulting vacuum slammed my head into the monitor. ;-}

Sarcasm aside, I'll not post the photo just yet - still trying to keep it a surprise. Well a surprise beyond the fact that it won't be in the mail for a couple of days yet.

Funny thing about sketching first, it's usefulness is inconsistent. No real shock there as I am inconsistent to a degree unimaginable by human reason.

OK, now that really is pissing me off. The words aren't coming. Just chopped up metaphors and vaguely inappropriate usage. Nothing witty. Nothing pleasing. Grrrr.

Anyway, sketches... they are essential to what I do in that they let me visualize how elements will interact both within a figure and an entire tableaux. I find it very hard to carry the visual aspects of geometric interplay within my head. Very evident when I try to purchase things online - the list of dimensions just don't conjure anything in my mind's eye. Diagrams help out soooo much. That's why I go to great lengths to make stitch diagrams for my crochet patterns and also why my written instructions are quite confusing to most people. So, for me, a sketch is a figural road map.

Inconsistency rears it's comfortable head when I inevitably throw caution to the wind and veer off-track, improvising and exploring. Whereas that is adventurous if a bit dangerous when following that carefully unfolded and subsequently wadded up AAA map on a road trip, it wrecks havoc with productivity in my little crochet workshop.

Huh?

Staring at the sketch the whole time, I created a character head that was 3 times the size of the one in said sketch. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Just make the piece 3 times bigger overall. Bigger is easier at this scale anyway. Except it's an ATC - and I like following the rules - Wait. No I don't! What I do like, is following the original spirit of a challenge or genre. And the only commonality in the ATC phenomenon is the size - 2.5" by 3.5".

So I saved that head for a bigger version to be made at a later date and started over. It's actually a good exercise for me. That size demands that I keep tight control of my thread "sculpting" as I like to call it. Requires quite a bit more discipline than that of which I usually partake. I'm more the self-indulgent arts and crafts type maven.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day to devote to tiny figures in funny poses.

I really wouldn't have it any other way. :-)

Hook On
C

Just stuff

2010-04-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

Working on:

1) bath mat

- out of spare crochet thread that is spare only because it looked a lot better on the website

- is much more stretchy than originally envisioned

- is much narrower than origianlly intended

- is now on it's way to becoming a bath and sink combination mat/trail

Oh if the bathroom were only big enough to make it a winding trail

- will need to get a bottom coat of something latex that was formerly liquid

hmm, wonder if they sell latex paint in small tubes

2) angel wings

- pinned to the blocking board

ie clear packing tape mummified pizza box lids (less grease)

for a couple of days now -
out of sight, out of my mind...
Heyyyy- that's not funny ;-)

3) atc trade

- running late = energy in toilet = running late

4) heart repeat cover

- dimensions all wrong for one I ordered

fairly par for my course

5) Little Itty Bitty Super Tiny journal covers

- still can't see written dimensions clearly in my mind

maybe there is a math disability
in addition to the block, I mean

Soooo, lots of small stuff backed up on the conveyor belt but, alas, no chocolate bonbons to stuff down my uniform. Lucy and Ethel had all the luck. :-)

At least I made a list. Now to stop adding and start finishing.

Hook On
C

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

As the Cat Naps.

Didn't quite get to the crochet version. But it still makes me smile. Happy Easter everybody.

Light of Day

2010-04-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

Huh. Didn't expect to get so emotional about that. Sunshine must be required to activate the meds.

Ah well, crazy is as crazy does.

...and now, the hunt for replacement thread begins... woo hoo!

:-)
Hook On
C

Crap on a Cracker

2010-04-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Oh am I pissed. Just found out Lion yarn is discontinuing the lame line of crochet thread. I've used this thread for years. I've tried other metallic threads and none of them had what Lion's lame had. Bright, true, pure color. Not simply metallic tinsel wrapped around weird mustard golden colored matte thread. Not whisper thin dental floss with a dull edge.

Sure it could be a bitch to work with - it was rather stiff and scratchy and unraveled easily from the free end. But it made for stable, strong and dimensional finished pieces.

What a load!

Do I sound angry? I am. And disappointed. And upset. What is this? How do I feel? Bothered, bewildered, betrayed?

DK

But the fun thing about depression and anti-depressant medication is that this mix of emotions is rather vague, distant, amorphous. Like a vapor lingering in the shadows that I can not summon into the light.

Vaguely irritated and definitely disappointed but ultimately numb and resigned to all things that come to pass.

Words on screens can't really convey the feeling. Maybe I just lack the words and skill to weave the picture. The closest I can get is: "It doesn't matter because nothing really matters."

It's a stupid thing to let get to me and yet their is a stinging ache of neglect and abandonment that accompanies this belief in meaninglessness.

Yet more kindling for the flames of despair. Depression with the big "D" is self-propagating and the smallest most meaningless thing - the tiniest annoyance or inconvenience can become an octane accelerant gleefully tossed upon the raging tire fire of loathing that resides in my heart just beneath the sheen of medicated awareness.

All for want of stupid thread.

Ah, change. Leaves me with either a ridiculously giddy sense of adventure or an annoyingly whiny sense of damnation and gloom.

Other than that, the day has been super.
;-)

Hook it
C

Wings Deux

2010-04-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

More of the same for the right hand wing.

Except of course that the outer edge is now on the left.

... and the increases need to be worked on that left edge.

... and the order of the colors needs to be reversed.

... and the part that attaches to the shoulder is now on the right edge.

Ah, but the "little grey cells" had a field day with me today.

Apparently my brain thinks it's a fun April Fool's Day prank to have me remember the above points one at time and only after working several rows each time.

Mmmm. Fun-ee.

:-)

Hook On
C

Wings

2010-03-31T23:19:00.001-07:00

So, more on the angel wings I spoke of yesterday - Lot's more:

I've had this idea for a series of crochet drawings I call the "Angels of Love". Sounds horribly corny and sappy but they are so named because they were to be angels whose wings would be shaped like Valentine hearts. I know, my snarky soul just shivered. Sometimes the ponies and rainbows grab me by the throat and must be given their due.

The idea popped in my head because I was weary of seeing craft portraiture of angels with ugly scraggly wings. One artist in particular was gaining a lot of popularity at the time with such angels. They also featured word affirmations but no halos. That was The Straw. I would have to get involved and create my own versions.

I'm an old fashioned kind of broad - I love dramatic wings and shiny halos, and although I don't care for affirmation-art in general, I do believe in Angels - yes, with a capital "A". So I have worked on these lasses sporadically over the past 2 -3 years. Getting to it when the muse strikes me - like I do with all large projects... and medium projects... anything that will take me longer than a day really.

The wings are the most important part of the A of Ls. They had to look like wings to me. I figured out a way to do that to my own satisfaction back in mid 2009:

Proto-wings

I didn't have enough pins to block them both at the same time and by the time I actually got my bulbous buttocks to the store to get more pins - the mood had passed. You know, I've got to stop living my life under the rule of whims. Anyway. I even wrote down what I did back then:

Sketch Prime

This was all in ufo limbo when the moon changed phase and the tides turned causing the urge to continue to swell within my chest. Never satisfied with making plans or finishing things in progress, I started on a new version of the same AofL but in a more 3D style. For once I actually remembered (accurately too) how I made something, but I also remembered that the feathers took forever to make individually. Wanted something faster so I could maybe start making these girls to market - I'm actually quite fond of them which is odd for someone as snarky as I am. So I played around with something that would work up faster and still look feather-like. After many false starts with ch3 "web", stacked scallops and other assorted structural tricks (which were frogged after a couple of rows), I came upon cables:

Cable Wing

Looks too much like crap. Don't even know why I did a whole wing. Hard to see the cabling at this size and with my lack of skill - and the photo is no help. So I sucked it up and returned to the individual feather style. I needed a sketch to figure out placement and shaping:

What I like to Call a Sketch

Helpful looking isn't it? I had to keep altering it as I was working the feathers to try and force the shaping. Wound up with:

More Wing than Heart

Oddly, I was blindly aiming for a half-heart and got something that is more wing-like. Go figure. But I really did want the heart shape - otherwise what's the point of the series name?

So, made another sketch based around a tracing of the actual 3D angel body:

Sketchy McSketch

This sketch fixed the shaping problem. I decided to change things up and make the feathers less crowded while reducing the overall number of them for the sake of speed and clarity:

Big-Feathered Wings

Finally, something I liked. Although.... I'll need to block it to see if the feathers are long enough to cover the unworked rows. At least I have enough pins to do this properly. Tomorrow. ;-)

So, this is what I do to myself when I develop and idea. I bang my head against the wall re-inventing the wheel until I get something that I not only had I already figured out before but had also documented the instructions.

That's what I get for winging it.

Oh come on - you knew that had to be coming.

So, onward tomorrow? Maybe. I'll need to feel up out my muses tomorrow and see what they want to do. Seriously, I have to stop doing things this way.

Hook On and stuff
C

Huh? What?

2010-03-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

Been a while. Don't know why. Tired. Moody. The usual stuff. ;-}

Been working on a set of angel wings. I've made a set before that I liked the look of, but needed to go smaller. Two versions of the same figure - one 2D one 3D. Will probably turn the 2D into another 3D.

Hmm. Is it really 3D if I stitch together two 2D images around some felt scrap stuffing? 2.5D? pseudo 3D. Ooo. Wish I knew the keyboard better and could find the Neptune's trident-looking symbol for "pseudo". Ahh. Watch as I harken back to the halcyon days of my internment in science. I swear the room is going all wavy and ethereal music is being piped in like flashback segues of classic TV.

WTF am I talking about!?

Don't know. Just documenting for my own records that I've been working on the Earth Angel of Love with an eye for establishing a pattern to use to make the whole A of L series in the near future.

Been doing this for 3 or 4 days now. Just frustrating the crap outta me, but I've persevered. I'll take pix and talk more about it tomorrow.

Maybe.

Eh. Best intentions and... something about roads... and hell...

;-)
Hook On
C

Anti-Depressants and the Devil's Playthings

2010-03-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

My hands weren't exactly idle - just bored. Had things to work on but was busy posing for photos for that sense of ennui that's been stalking me since birth. I get this way after meeting a deadline. Unfocused and noncommittal. More so than usual, I mean.

Remember these?:

Sunglasses Cozy

No? Lucky you. Nah, they were fun to make. And they were a perfect project for my last bout of blase. Nicely monotonous repetition of single crochet stitches with just enough difficulty to keep me interested for the long haul. A groovy side trip on the way to addressing the question of how does a crochet artist wear her art when she doesn't do wearable art.

My current episode of ennui resolved to answer the question - no side trips, even trippy ones.

WTF?!

Don't look like much. Size 80 tatting thread with a size 24 (0.4mm) hook worked in the minuscule round. Just love crochet that maintains its shape due to the severity of the gauge. Look floppy, almost pornographic laying there like this - oh wait, that might just be me - TMI anyone?

I do like the way they look on.

Before : After

Well, at least the way the look on the glasses. On me...eh, not so much.

"Oh yeah, these look good."

Some days a gal just likes to look...stark raving mad. Other days, simply delusional will do. I wore them for 2 days before I startled myself in the bathroom mirror. Now they are nicely stored in my drawer of "items I wanted to see if I could make, then found out I could, and then did but probably shouldn't have".

Oh well, I specifically made them removable for those days I don't feel like looking the clown. Don't get me wrong, I will wear these in public, but only to an appropriate venue: craft show, gallery, craft store, appointment with the psychiatrist - all the usual places. ;-)

Actually, I'll probably make a blue pair to wear. My favorite color, my reflected soul. I made yellow because I color-printed at the salon to the yellow-orange skin color type and thought I'd make my test pair out of a color that would at least be flattering to my complexion. And boy, did that ever work out! Didn't you wonder why the cozy-covers are yellow and I'm black and white? Maybe if it had not been 2 a.m. and my hair had been washed or at least combed... but I digress.

Another reason for the yellow was that I bought it for a project that didn't pan out and would not be using it for anything else and I hate wasting money on product that will just sit there in its original form gathering dust. Let it instead gather dust as a tiny impractical monument to my twisty sense of humor and my overwhelming need to play.

Apparently, anti-depressants are not anti-psychotics.

Who knew?

Oh. Looks like Satan did.

Ha! Didn't think I was going to address the title of this post, did ya?

:-)

Hook On
C

Heart Book and Affirmations

2010-03-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

Way back on Jan 2nd, 2010, I finished a book I wanted to send an e-buddy that I hoped would cheer her up. I kept the details of it a secret on the blog because I love surprising people. Well I didn't actual mail it until about mid February (I know - I am the goddess of procrastination) and par the course for me concerning international mail, it arrived in March. Which was intriguing because it was part of a package bearing several small packets wrapped in festive seasonal paper that was intended as a surprise belated Xmas gift. Well...Xmas in March is a surprise. ;-)

Anyway, I was rambling on about books in yesterday's post and it struck me as odd today that I had forgotten about this affirmation book. Maybe because it wasn't meant for sale or display but from my heart in hopes of making someone smile. Therefore not commercial nor especially artistic which I guess are the types of books I was harping about.

Stranger still, it is an affirmation book. I don't do affirmations. Not that I don't believe in them, but everyone uses them in their art these days and quite frankly the over-exposure diminishes their validity and even their sincerity in my eyes. I'm glad that modern people can still be moved enough by life to include words like "believe, soar and imagine" in their work - it just doesn't feel natural to me in my work. Not a judgment, these phrases touch me when I run across them but the frequency of these encounters has exponentially increased over the past few years and that troubles me.

Words are important to me because they are both profound and ethereal in nature. The dichotomy of that quality is beautiful to me. Dichotomy in general is beautiful to me and is a theme that appears often in my work. It bothers me when words are taken lightly. Don't get me wrong, I misuse words all the time for sarcastic (and hopefully comedic) effect, but I hope that I never cause any word to become trivialized into a word-of-the-moment. So that's my fear for our general lexicon. My own vocabulary is pedestrian but that doesn't keep me from loving language and seeking out new examples. Here's hoping I always use them correctly. Please oh please. ;-)

The point? None. Just waxing philosophical. Oh and of course finding great irony in the sudden realization that, apparently, I do "do affirmations" - just in my own style. Well... I do love exploring the dichotomy in things and my head is an inherently inexpensive and wonderfully convenient venue for spelunking.

The book:

The Covers

The Pages

Clasp and Spine

I'm proud of this little book and incredibly happy that my bud-ette liked it. Hmm. I hope it isn't inappropriate to share the images. Ever notice I only worry about such things after the fact? Or as pretty darned close to "after the fact" as I can get - after all, I haven't hit publish yet. :-)

As they say, "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission".

Bad Trix. Rabbits are for kids. (There's a joke in there somewhere - I swear!)

I'll slink away in alleged shame now.

Hook On and prosper.
C

Books

2010-03-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

Black and White List - beaded

(Finished the bead redo - here it is in case you don't feel up to scrolling through all the meandering stream-of-crap writing today. I know I don't.)

What makes an artist's book earn the title? Does it have to be pithy will lots of interesting insights? Crammed tight with several techniques and dynamite expression of the soul?

I love books. I don't know why I don't make more. Maybe I have nothing to say. But really, when have I ever let that stop me before?

Maybe I feel no one is interested in what I have to say. My ego bruises easily. As well it should in its bloated and irrationally irrelevant state. I believe I have sacrificed my desire to make books at the alter of the gods of self-esteem. Huh? To whit: the fact that no one has even sniffed around the 2 booklets I have for sale on etsy has sapped my desire to offer any more. Of course now, there are solid, valid and even realistic reasons why there is no sniffage:

* they are based on a public domain, sing-songy poem that every infant knows and no adult truly covets

* one is only mildly cutesy the other only mildly morose and mediocrity will never do

* I'm not about to lower the price so they may seem over-priced as far as fiber booklets go

* I think I deserve compensation for the time put into them and other people think I'm on crack for wanting that

Oh, well. Even if the tree will not bend, the wind must continue to blow.

I now that uber-cute and uber-morose do well in the marketplace, but I don't think that level of magic is within me to achieve.

So why not make books solely for myself? Probably because I'm an attention whore. "I need to feel loved; desired." Bill Murray - Ghostbusters 2. But it is sooooo true. I crave positive feedback. The illusion of human contact. Maybe the hermitress needs to wander outside the hermitage on occasion - get my fix of human interaction with actual physical proximity instead of the internet and this silly tweenage diary of a blog.

The truth remains, if I wanted to do it, I would. So if I don't really want to why does not doing it make me sad and weepy? Can't be both. Can't not want and want. Want the idea but not the reality? How freakin' sick in the head do I have to be?

Hmm. Anger. Haven't had that pop up in a while. Tired of feeling sorry for myself so I get out the beat-myself-stupid-stick? Niiiice. Point proven.

Oh yeah. The reason I started typing tonight - (as I mentioned above in the abbreviated entry version) I finished the bead redo of the writing in my On the Fence About the Fence book. Even submitted it and the Postcards from Home to the call for entries at that venue in Austin. Really would love to be accepted to that show because it is close enough to actually go to. I haven't stood next to something I made to answer questions in a long time. Not since the heady days of research posters and science symposiums in my former life of whining and rosacea. Ah, pooh. Too far a stretch. Doesn't even sound like "wine and roses". Sometimes I get the metaphor going and can't find the off-ramp in time to make a smooth exit. alas and alack

sigh

Anyway:

Black & White List - surface crocheted

Black & White - sub-titled

Black and White - beaded

Ditched the gray "What Now?" Wanted the room and really wasn't feeling it's inclusion anymore. Don't remember what I meant by it anyway. Must have seemed important at the time - could have used the room to list more ~~random thoughts~~ I mean "items".

Enough blather. Bored with the inside of my head now.

Be hookin' kiddies,
C

The Greening of the Cat

2010-03-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

Ha! Made it before midnight. It is still technically the 17th. What am I talking about? - It is actually the 17th ... for another 2 hours anyway.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Saint Patty Catty

I've pretty obviously been on the cat-plique bandwagon for quite some time now and planned to continue along the same vein with a green cat as St. Patrick complete with bishop miter, crook staff, green robes, and fleeing snakes. But alas, time ran short due to another March project (more on that later - tomorrow - maybe) and a couple of application deadlines.

I considered paring down the idea to St. Patrick's younger cleric days and have a green kitty with a white priest's collar but I wasn't sure if it was specific enough. Green cat priest is funny but ultimately too vague even with a snake dangling form his little mouth or maybe just under his paw. And of course, legend proclaims that Ireland's patron saint drove the snakes away, nothing was said about killing them or even standing on them.

So, short on time and eager to do something for the day, I settled on the little green kitty with golden yellow eyes and a leprechaun-style belt as collar. I didn't notice until I posted him over on flickr that he's a little wall-eyed. Too much green beer or too much green dye? Poor little kitty. Ah, I prefer to think it's his natural color. At least I didn't give him a red head on a green body - way too much leprechaun!

A little boring, though. I detest being predictable and really do try to avoid making shamrocks and leprechauns for St. Patty's. The rebel in me soooo wants to be different.

Last year's attempt was the green heart:

Green Love

...hmmm - there's that leprechaun style belt again. A definite theme for me. (The Santa Cowboy boot also has it.) Oh and lookie thar - a tiny shamrock too. Sigh. So much for embracing the desire to be different.

Funny thing: kind of annoying really - someone posted a link to the Green Love pattern on their blog last year. Ordinarily super fun to be noticed like that; buuuuuut, she went on to say that she liked the heart better without the belt. All I could think was "What the...?! The belt is what make it for St. Patrick's Day!" and "Otherwise it's just a green heart. So f'ing what?" A little knee jerk reaction to a perceived criticism. Ridiculous really because the reason I gave in and added the shamrock was so people would understand that it was a leprechaun-y type thing. But I'm all about self-disclosure and sharing too flaming much about my neurotic little mind so I thought I would mention it. Aaah. "I have exorcised the demon. This room is clean" as Ace Ventura once said in a fit of completely justified self-righteousness.

Speaking of self-righteous, I may just make the Bishop/Saint and Snake-chomping Priest versions before I fall off the little cat train of thought. But to be honest, I don't see that ride ending anytime soon. They are so easy and fun to make and decorate and enjoy. Like holiday cookies without the kitchen sweats and diabetic coma.

Hook On my pets!
C

How Much Thread Would a Pack Rat Pack...

2010-03-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

In discussing thread scraps yesterday (I do believe that was one of the tangents I was on) I may have been a bit misleading when I said that I throw away any thread scraps too short to work with. See, "throw away" is an exaggeration / whopping lie. Instead I add to the Sanford & Son Estate motif around here by tossing the wee tiny bits in a jar as I work.

Scrap Jar

An old pasta sauce jar. So that's a lot of tiny bits. Now before you finish judging me (because I know you are and I know you should), remember that there would be much more of the tiny bits except that I sort out the longer "little bits" for the mandala.

Now when the jar overflows as it does a couple times a year, I move the scrappies to a box.. or two:

Scrap Boxes

I justify this behavior by saying that it is too wasteful to throw all that fiber away and that someday (allegedly soon) these bits will be put into some homemade bird feeder type thing so the birdies can all go "Rainbow Brite" on their nests.

Truthfully my main motivation is that I like the thread vomit effect - that's why everything is in clear containers. I find any length scrap just too pretty to chuck but the chaotic melange of color makes me happy. Life's too short.

To my credit, the above is my total accumulation of tiny scraps since I started crocheting seriously (eh, daily anyway) back around 2005. I even have proof:

Scrap Box 2008

This is the same scrap box shown above only now it is covered with the weird gray dirt that collects on things in the recesses of my apartment. Weird becasue it can't be shifted by wiping alone. Does dust compact and dry out when undisturbed for ages? Like in tombs. Mmm. I am an excellent housekeeper. ;-b

OK. That photo was posted in Jan 2008, proof here so I have accumulated only the amount in the smaller box since then. Not so bad.

Oh alright, the little box is much more densely packed than the larger one. Still, I think it's fairly efficient thread use for 2 years work if that represents the only scraps.

Oh crap! Forgot about the mandala.

Oh crap!! Forgot that I have some very usable rogue scrap lengths in a nut tin.

What? I like nuts.

After all, we are what we eat.

;-)

Hook On
C

Maturity is vastly overrated.

2010-03-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

I spent , what? ... 3 days wasting an incredible amount of time.

Doing what?

Ball of Bits

Yup. Tying small scrap pieces of thread together into a nice size ball worthy of Mary Shelley. By the way - what an awesome couple. He is a poet with a flouncy name and she writes horror novels - all in the age of corsets on women and voting for men. pre-modern, pre-goth. Imagine the dinner parties. Ooo - should look up what their relationship was like maybe there were no parties. That would be a shame.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

See I am a bit of a pack rat. (Bit? Ha!) Who let my inner critic near the keyboard? typing is for the one with hands not those that are only nebulous voices. Shoo!

Excuse the interruption. I don't know why I like to hoard stuff, but I do. I find myself with all these pieces of thread that are too long to throw away and too short to use comfortably in a piece. Whether they are leftovers from the ends of balls or simple products of my brilliance in mathematics is irrelevant. I feel bad for them. Empathize maybe. No one should be ignored or cast out as useless. Uhm. No thing should be etc etc

Yes I personalize almost everything. Even someone removing their name from my etsy favorites or the blog followers chart makes me a little sad and ... what is this... lonely, unloved, in-freakin-sane? Ah. That last one! ;-)

So I keep the wayward scrap pieces. But for once I do so not for the sake of clutter - my home is already reaching critical mass in the department of huge piles of life's detritus and crap from the labors of crazy craft lady. No. I use the little bits in an ongoing craft whatsit.

A scrappy mandala:

Scrap Happy Mandala

Been working on this for years. The wider the diameter increases the slower the project grows. Like a tactile physics lesson in radial growth. I posted a photo on Flickr what feels like eons ago - probably at least a millennium. (Ha! 10 yrs later and that joke still amuses me... I amuse easily ... obviously) March 9, 2007 actually. I love Flickr! Wow almost 3 years to the day. Weird. Of course it was after "the turn" - wasn't even a member until 2006. Duh.

The mandala has grown quite a bit more than I thought actually. I only add to it when I can't take the site of the loose threads anymore and I want a break from doing something sensible. I never took the time to document it's growth. Sad really.

Anyway. Adding the pieces one at a time in the proper changing-colors technique for sc stitches got to be a pain - literally. My wrists started to hurt from holding the short tails while changing colors and my fingers were no longer pleased to be part of the one. So this time I tied the pieces together while watching TV. Kind of fun. Almost meditative. Ironic when preparing to work on a mandala.

Anyway again. Had the camera out and thought I'd bother with a documentation pix. I keep thinking I'm done and want to start a new one, but no attempt ever felt right in my hands. Just not the same. So I'll continue to explore the boundaries of sc in the round...

tomorrow. |-O

Hook On!
C

Easy Yet Trying

2010-03-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

Made the deadline on Monday (uh...if Mon was the 1st) with 20 minutes to spare - even if I only got one piece submitted: Monkey's Uncle.

Tio Mono

Applying via CaFE is really pretty easy. I like the ease of online and the not having to haul myself over to the post office to super-express/use-Star-Trek-transporter-if-I-could overnight service. Should have been a piece of cake. Unfortunately no one told me that the cake would be frozen solid and take forever to thaw.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my own fault for waiting so long. In my defense, I did waste that day trying to fix something I have never liked about the Fence book.

On the Fence About the Fence
"black & white issue" pages

The surface slst crochet writing is crap - hard to read in the white on black and completely illegible in the black on white - even to me and I know what it is supposed to say.

Subtitles

Much to my chagrin and general annoyance I discovered that the black thread fuzzes easily while the white retains its thready integrity quite well. I suspected at the time that the scale would make the writing too hard to read, it certainly was a royal pain to do, but by the time I stepped back to look at things objectively, I was already finished with the book and too sick of looking at it to bear dealing with any repairs. Besides it was for my own amusement not for a deadline of any kind so I could put it away and deal with the issue later.

Then brilliant me decided I could fix this in a couple of hours because all I had to do was rip out the stitches and replace them with alphabet beads. It took some net scouring and several months of penny pinche-ing (hybrid Spanish/English pun there), but I found both white on black and black on white alphabet beads so I could maintain the color theme. A couple hours... max.

Ha ha yeah, right

See the letter beads were much bigger than the stitched letters so the words no longer fit and I of course didn't have enough letters (Rs and Ts of all things) I put it aside and ordered more letter beads. I will finish this mother! - just not for this competition. I'll post a photo later. I'm still a little too annoyed with myself to do any pix time.

---
Hey, whaddayaknow - it's "later":

Beady Blathering

---

Around 7pm I gave up and started gathering info for an artist's statement and resume. A freaking artist's resume - give me a break! I have no training or experience or accolades - I'm doing the art thing on the fly. So I listed my MS from biomedical/immunology graduate school and my pastry diploma from culinary school. I don't know what I'm doing. Obviously. So while I rummaged for my old education info and scoured my cartoon based lexicon for words to sling into an artist statement I also had to scramble to find 2 other pieces I felt were strong enough for an exhibit.

Had decided on my sunglasses cozy with a new artsy name:

Clarity

and my old crochet pun, t pot:

t pot

Thing is that I felt that I didn't have the time to waste reading the instructions for formatting and uploading photos to CaFE and in general prefer not to have to follow rules -that's other people's hang-up not mine. (I have said before that I am crazy and prone to bouts of narcissism - not proud of it, just don't think anyone should be surprised by it by now.) So as I logged on at 10pm all the paperwork ready all the photos cropped and optimized in photoshop, I ran into a formatting wall - repeatedly. I didn't want to waste the time wading though a techno-ese filled tip page. So I kept reformatting and saving and uploading until I finally got it right then when I went to pay, I kept getting an error message saying that I hadn't added any photos. Another 20 minutes before I realized I hadn't checked the little box next to the photo indicating that I wanted to include it with my application.

DUH

So much time wasted and expense un-optimized (the fee was the same for three pieces as for one) all for lack of reading a helpful little side page. One small mouse click and I would have tripled my chances of getting selected. sigh

Yes I am that stubborn. I only read the tip page the next day out of morbid curiosity. double sigh

Actually not to sour grape things, but this is a mixed blessing. As much as I like t-pot and clarity I don't think they are very strong pieces. Still it would have been nice for something besides my sloth and crazy-ass personality to be what evaluated their strength.

Live and learn.

You know, I keep thinking I should be bummed out by all this. But I'm not and it doesn't feel like that's gonna happen either. Just feel like I want to start work on other things. Is this that "normal reaction" people keep talking about? Kinda cool but really unfamiliar... and a little creepy.

Better sleep on it. ;-)

Hook On
C

Deadlines and Hesitation

2010-02-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

I've noticed quite recently a disturbing trend in my behavior - "disturbing" meaning that in retrospect I don't approve but do not care enough in present-spect to attempt to curb the behavior nor even to expend the energy to particularly care. See, the closer a deadline looms that I know in my heart I won't be able to meet the more tired, bored and completely resistant to the lure of the creative impulse I become.

Or said in a less annoyingly verbose way: If I'm not going to be able to finish it in time, I drag my heels until nothing gets done at all. I mean I don't even feel like doing anything crafty at all.

And I did it again. Got so caught up in other things that I put off starting a large project I wanted to submit to a local statewide show. I'm trying to build up a reputation as an artist but going about it so half-assed. It is annoying.

Deadline is March 1st - known about it for 6 - 7 months - put it off. While planning I came up with several large tableaux that I want to make but they all take time. I'm not much for drawing and I need at least a sketch to base my crocheted people on. Have wispy general sketches but not enough time to work them all up or even one to completion in time. And I knew I would need that time. Still I was deluding myself into thinking I could at least get one done. That's stupid. Why half-ass something for submission? That would make me look like the unprofessional yokel that I already feel like most of the time.

Then it occurred to me that the only success I have had with an entry submission have been with works I took my time on and already had lying (laying? hate that!) around completed. The rules said "made after 2008 - inclusive" so I sent them in and caught some good luck. So why not do that this time too? I already started one of the larger pieces while I was still under the delusion that I could get it done in time to my satisfaction. I can just continue with them after I submit some pieces form 2009 that I am proud of and took my time with.

No problemo.

Problemo. I didn't do anything last year. Nothing big and worth showing. Except "Life Blood" and that is already going elsewhere. I did do some stuff in 2008. The "On the Fence" book, the "Monkey's Uncle Darwinian portrait, and the "Postcards From Home" book.

I hadn't ever intended to show the Fence one - too political and I hate being political and as my brother pointed out - people might get nasty about it so why invite the flak and hate? I don't want to, but I am proud of the work I put into that book. It helped me sort out some feelings I had about the issue. And I want to show that not everything I make is cutesy. A lot is because I love cute but sometimes I just want to be sarcastic and judgmental. But still I don't like inviting hate and ignorance onto my doorstep. Not a good enough reason. There is room in art to invite discussion as well as acceptance.

Monkey's Uncle needs a little cleanup work but is doable.

Postcards? Started that back in 2007 but finished it in 2009. I wonder if that counts?

Anyway so I've decided to devote what little time I have left to punching up work I'm already happy with.

I guess the point is that not every show needs new pieces made specifically for the occasion. At least that's what I hope. I've heard talk about multiple submissions of single pieces so I guess I'm not the only one that "recycles". Which is good because I'm pretty okay with doing this even if I am a little embarrassed to admit it.

Only thing that is truly buggin me is what in the hell did I do last year if I don't have any pieces to show for it? Yeah. I need to persevere with the pieces I've planned and get a move on. Work up a portfolio to show a gallery. Get some representation. Maybe my own show.

Whoa.

OK. Let's get back to today: Finish this entry, get to bed tonight, pick up the hook again tomorrow and lather-rinse-repeat my ass to glory one stitch at a time.

;-)

Hook On
C

Kinda Cool

2010-02-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

I ran across this photo on Flickr:

dodo_fit

This made me unbelievably, surrealistically happy. I've seen posts at Ravelry of appliques made from my window cats pattern before but this is the first time I've seen the printout of my diagram in someone else's home. That really shouldn't make me silly happy, but it does.

I've heard designers talk about the thrill of seeing someone walking around in one of their designs for the first time and I completely understand that. I still get ridiculously excited seeing one of my appliques made by some else's hand. It just seems like overkill that I get a similar little thrill from seeing the printout as well as the appliques.

It's disturbing. Reminds me of when I started medication and therapy and mentioned that it surprised me when a friend said, as an aside while telling a story of daily life, that he had repeated something I said to his wife and they had discussed it. It was a weird experience for me. I told my therapist that I didn't believe that I existed to other people once I was out of their line of sight. And I did believe that, just not on a conscious level. That's kind of pathetic and in retrospect, scary.

That incident comes to mind a lot when I think about how much better I feel these days. Ironically of course - I'm tired, broken down, ill and unemployed but I have a much healthier head than I used to. No, seriously. I know this blog doesn't exactly offer much proof to support that statement but I was much worse and didn't even know it. Depression is odd that way - thoughts don't make sense and the levels of emotional response are disproportionate to reality, but it's the way things have always been so you never know that anything is wrong. Life just is.

That is probably why I find talk therapy to be so helpful. It offers the sounding board I need to bounce ideas off of to see if they have any basis in reality. I'm not so good with reality and unfortunately that dysfunction doesn't manifest itself in any of the energetic, confident, manically-productive ways.

It's boring being down. People don't respond kindly to downers. I always wonder what people get out of barbiturates. I wonder if a depressive on downers would collapse inwardly like a black hole. Rehab in an event horizon would be a bitch.

Uh. What was I saying?

Oh yeah.

I like seeing pretty pictures of other people enjoying my hard crafty work.

Me happy.

Hook On
C

Now where was I...

2010-02-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

Have no idea what I've been up to since the last post. All the excitement of getting my art in the mail and the Rx snafu malaise has me a bit turned around.

Have I even done anything creative?

Oh, wait. Yeah. yeah, I did. But it's a surprise for someone. Not that they read my blog but - why bean spill? Eh. Why not? Three little robot men and a pattern. One to scratch down a pattern, two to test what I roughed out and three to test a new thread color.

It took me ages to find a pretty dove grey thread. When I did finally find one it was a brand I hadn't heard of from a vendor I never used for thread before but have since and have been rather disappointed. Their threads are thinner than size 10 but then even within a specific manufacturer like Aunt Lydia size 10 varies with tightness of thread. Some colors fuzz up when worked with and turn out thicker stitches.

So I just recently ran out of my former grey color. I liked that shade of grey a lot. Silver-grey from America's Best at Annie's Attic. They must have only carried that brand long enough for me to order the one roll I bought to test 'cause there ain't hide nor hair of that brand on the site anymore. The brand they carry now (Omega I believe) doesn't have a grey that I like. Too pale. So picked up Aunt Lydia's new "Classic Silver" which may as well be called "hint of silver" because it is incredibly pale. Fortunately I found Thread Art and they have a lovely grey thread. Darker than that original from America's Best but soft and soothing.

I'll post photos later. Have one in each color. Kind of funny - like the result of changes in paint formulation at the robot manufacturing plant.

So that is something. Now to type up the instructions and mail the surprise off to my cyber buddy.

Hmm. I'm wondering now if my package to Canada made it through customs yet. Am I on some kind of international mail watch list? "Be on the lookout for crocheted nonsense from this person." Some sort of attempt at blocking missives of crafty sedition? I send only perfectly harmless little dolls, books and ornaments. Honest. I swear. See my halo? ;-)

Hook On
C

More Promotional material.

2010-02-20T08:01:00.000-08:00

The last entry was the postcard to mail to family and frineds (and clients I suppose, if I knew what I was doing professionally).

This is the... flyer, I think. Whatever, it has participant names on it!

Big Blue Look At Me Arrow!!!

(courtesy of big bad photoshop hack)

Did I mention that I'm not shy? ;-)

Haven't posted in a while 'cause had a medication snafu. Ran out of one med due to miscalculation on my part and I've been fried for several days now. Funny how when the blood sugar is out of whack the stay awake and happy meds don't work correctly. So juggled some phone calls with my will-you-die-without-it insurance company, 3-month-supply-by-mail pharmacy, and my health-care-by remote-control visiting doctor service and now have a month's supply of my pep pills. Well, maybe less pep and more "I can stay awake long enough to type without sniveling all over the keyboard" pills.

So I'm feeling a little better today. Still in an old fat broad diabetes fugue-y fog but more coherent. I can stay awake but it is better for the noisy whining kitties if I don't. Still a bit crabby and they are light enough to be hurled across the room. Not that I ever would - they bite and claw too much. But a gal can dream. sigh :-)

OK, so feeling a bit better and then BOOM! - find out that the bracelet factory just keeps dragging me down. With all the complaining that I do about not having product and not being able to figure out what products to make in a profitable fashion, I have completely forgotten how much I dislike making product to order. Apparently, some of the bracelets from hell are too small and breaking. I can't tell you how much I just want to say "hand made products will vary" and be done with it. But it is a nice little income. Nothing to pay bills with mind you but enough to make me feel productive. I just didn't want to be a jewelry maker.

Oh, suck it up! Sales are sales and kissing ass for your own business is soooo much better than slurping those self same buttock-lollies for someone else's ungrateful ass. Hmm That is a lot of cheek reference for one little sentiment. Ha! Lots of puns too.

Okay I'm getting goofy and punchy. Time to nap while visions of replacement bracelets and customer disappointment dance in my head.

All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working is bad business. All bitching and no working...

What - ev - er!

Hook On!
C

Show Time

2010-02-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well, time to spill the beans anyway. I wanted to wait until I got them into the mail but I am too excited...

Postcard Announcement

A juried show that I have 2 (count them 2!) pieces in. I'm arrogant but cautious. Part of me wishes to remain nonchalant and blase in case this isn't all that big a deal but the rest of me is just bubbly - giddy - all manner of words for happy. A confusing mixture of feelings but, fortunately, I'm accustomed to contradictions - hell I live for them.

So tee hee. Let me be. I'm enjoying myself for now. (See? I don't even care that I broke that rhyme just now.)

;-D

Hook On
C

Oh Tee Hee

2010-02-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

tee hee

tee hee

good news

awaiting me

Got the watery tart back from the framers Saturday. So excited. I can ship them off now. Oh. Wait. Not yet. One more fine tune and then they are off. Then I can post the ecard announcement they sent me. Superstitious thing that I am, I want the pieces to be in the Center's hot little hands before I make this official.

It's kind of weird to feel excited. Hope I don't strain my giggle reflex.

tee hee

Hook on hooking on
C

Ta Da!

2010-02-14T12:57:00.000-08:00

The finished Valentine:

Kitty Valentine

Looks a lot more like a Valentine's Day card than I thought it would. A lovely little surprise for me. Warms the cockles of my chill-of-deep-space scented heart. ;-)

Hook on
C

Heart Work

2010-02-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

In a quest to have at least something to offer on Valentine's Day Sunday, I readdressed the pink backing heart for the Valentine Kitties.

Didn't feel like beating my head against the rock faced wall of making the modified filet work so I frogged down to the nub and went with dcs. Didn't stay with dcs, however. That was turning into one tall, skinny, pointy thing with space visible between the body of the stitches. Oooo, how I hate seeing light through the stitchy fabric matrix of my crocheted pieces.

I used to tell people that I don't like crochet that looks crocheted, but I got too many repeat questions and judgmental looks. It may be hard to believe, but I don't intentionally like repeating myself. It's just a happy consequence of rambling on about nothing as I succumb to the inevitable ravages of time on the brain. Like my overuse of the words "just" and "like". Oh yeah, I noticed. Hard to stop doing it, especially when I, like, just like it so much. ha! :-)

But I digress. I usually use dcs when I want to get something over with aka done in a timely manner. So tall stitches = good = finish faster the stupid heart that me no like so can work on cute kitties which me do like. However, gaps suck as they grate heavily on my last working nerve. Hmm.

Hmm.

Went with linked sc which is more like linked dcs (I've heard them called both) and got height without gaps. Life can be easy. Now who scours through too many crochet magazines, books and tv shows? Bite it, budget!

Sooooo... finished background heart. Put a scallopy border on it ala traditional paper-punched doily Valentine hearts but in black and white. Like the look. Links the "heart frame" with the "Valentiney kitties" in an actual theme.

Anyway, it's blocking right now. Got a lot of curl from the linking process and oddly enough some weird slack in spots. Go figure. Tried making looser stitches to avoid making holes between rows from "pulling loop through" too vigorously. Could, should, would have liked to take in progress pictures but tomorrow is the big unveil so doesn't seem all that important right now.

Only reason it occurs to me to mention it is that I would like to get back to posting photographs of the daily doings. Mainly because I really enjoy seeing process in crafts and art in general. I can't stand places that simply publish pictures of people's work without even mentioning what the media is much less any clues on how it was made. I would settle for a monosyllabic nod identifying what technique was used. And just saying "mixed media" doesn't count. Were these mixed items attached with glue, tape, nails, wax, spit - what?!

So I want to publish process progress. Sketches, mistakes, misfires, last minute deadline-approaches alteration of vision, ie problem solving - the entire soft corn tortilla wrapped spiced hamburger meat, cheese and salad veggie melange on a platter named for a certain country of my peeps origins.

Sometimes I do manage it. But lately I've been dispirited (No! Really! drip drip drip with sarcasm) So I've let it fall by the way side. I try to keep Ceciphus as my personal diary-like daily log and Cecinatrix as the art maven chronicles. Unfortunately, I bare my embarrassing and melodramatic whiny-ass soul here too damned often and talk shop there hardly at all. Electronic media as tool of self promotion is a concept that is still kicking my ass.

See, it doesn't matter what I decide to do, I'll just change my mind when I turn around. Hard to be consistent when your mind jumps chaotically from idea to idea. Self restraint. Me? Not likely.

Eh.

Hook On
C

Stupid Questions, Annoying Melodrama and the Valentineless Spinster

2010-02-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found someone to be so beautiful that you can not bear to look at them?

Did it break your heart?

Does it even matter?

Is it really just that love is something I don't understand simply because it is somewhere I've never been?

Infants die for lack of it. Grown people kill for it. Is it really worth all that?

How much heartache does it take to negate the desire to try again?

Can the impulse die from disuse?

Is numb the same as empty?

Can a person live off the self-inflicted woeful self-pity derived from posing melodramatic and mindlessly useless questions?

I don't know.

Let me see about that last one and I'll get back to you.

:-\

C

Valentine Kitties

2010-02-12T00:18:00.000-08:00

Title pretty much sums it up:

Devil Cat - Angel Cat

I went a little non-traditional with the coat colors because I get tired of the whole angel in white, devil in black thing. Did stick with the red for the devil and white for the angel accoutrement so I'm not that subversive. Besides, they are meant to be only costumed kitties not the real deal.

My latest contribution to the Valentine's Day festivities. Feel like they are cute enough on their own, but ideas pop into my head and then the corner of my upper lip curls into the smirk I so enjoy and I am suddenly incapable of leaving well enough alone.

The plan? Make half a dozen grey kittens climbing all over the place. Love has consequences - particularly in the feline universe. Not that origin even within my own work. After all my window kitty family at Ravelry is the same idea - black, white parents, grey little one. Just how my mind works and why broke what ain't fixed? What? You know, fix the ain't broke.

Hmm that bit of middle aged jumblery took me by surprise. Cool. The trouble with ennui experienced against a jaded background is that I don't often feel surprised even if I am caught unaware. Weird, but then, I like weird.

So, I'm working on a background for the Love tribute and of course gravitated toward a heart. Didn't want to make a solid one becasue it would take forever. So went with a filet style heart to make it big enough, fast enough for both cats and the proposed ankle biters. Best laid plans...

Heart Alone

Big enough but having a devil of a time (Ha! only caught that in the edit!) finishing the butt cleavage lobes at the top of the heart. I must have ripped and redone that same lobe 7 times before I tabled the project for the evening. No, the irony is not lost on me that I would already be done with a solid sc heart by now, especially given that I already know how to lobe-off that type heart.

Hmm. I would rather waste time tinkering with something new to me than spend the same amount of time doing something monotonous by rote to completion. Like being in traffic. I'd much rather be in moving feeder road traffic than parked on the highway parking lot during rush hour. Pretty much the harder way to live but so much more interesting. Too bad it is also not a very productive life view.

Is happier better than productive? I don't know. May as well ask if breathing is better than air? They should go hand in hand. Or should they? Oh good Lord, I'm getting all philosophical again. I must be stopped.

So I'll just acknowledge that the heart is indeed big enough for the parents and a few offspring:

Kitties in Heart - kinda

(just use your imagination for the kittens) and I will bid you all a good time hooking... wait a minute...

whatever curdles your cream folks ;-)

Hook On
C

Sporadic Insomnia in the Computer Age

2010-02-11T00:43:00.000-08:00

or ... Did Morpheus invent PowerPoint?

My sleep cycle is discombobulated yet again. Probably anxiety - which is pretty astounding when you have a "got nothing to do, nowhere to go" life style like mine. Style. That's a funny word for it. ;-}

From about 5 to 7:30 this AM I played around making this:

No Sleep for You!

Yeah, it took some time to get done and patience isn't something often used in conjunction with my name, but here it is.

Now, I don't actually look like this it's more of a stylized representation of how I felt at the time. Although, I did go through several color choices before I found a skin tone I thought was fairly close to the real thing. Even then, the final color is quite the trade off. I'm more your medium ecru with olive overtones - like a sandy khaki. Try to find that with the custom color slide bar!

I actually think I draw better than I powerpoint, but not by much. I just really enjoy playing around with certain programs. Powerpoint for pictures and word art and Excel for charts and forms. Never did it professionally. Mostly for grad school presentations, but there is definitely something fun about coloring with pixels. I imagine it's what it would have felt like if I had played newspaper or newsletter editor as a kid. Oh yes, I was a print media oriented kind of kid even though I never actually did make a newspaper or newsletter. It' wasn't that simple a task back before the era of the personal computer - especially with all the distracting racket those dinosaurs made as the Earth shifted it axis. ;-)

I did, however, write letters to my imaginary penpal. I was always unconventional as well as ... oh ... lets call it - imaginative? Odd. Whatever. :-)

I was one of the kids that wanted to be different but didn't want to be noticed. Special without the pressure of attention. Maybe that was why I lived off the warming nourishment of the cathode rays emitting from the TV tube. Kind of a contradiction - TV sofa rat that loves books. Not just the ideas and (mental) experiences but the physical aspect of books themselves. Probably why I'm so fascinated by fabric based artist's books today.

I want to make books, but I keep hearing discouraging remarks from the peanut gallery (really, I went there, again?) Disparaging too. "You've got nothing to say.... bitch." No, they aren't saying that I can't drip the froth of long meaningless diatribes from the corners of my mouth onto the computer keyboard and subsequently the screen. I can talk incessantly, especially about what goes on when I spend too much time inside my head and everyone in here knows it. I just don't have anything interesting to say. I refer you again to the Faceless Facebook and Twitless Twitter.

Maybe take risks. Take the chance of upsetting people with what I say or hook-draw. Or maybe just do more of this:

Love Zap

This is another powerpoint sketch from yesterday's staring at the ceiling for 3 hours before switching the bleary-eyed focus onto the computer screen for another 2 and a half. It's an idea I've been toying with for Valentine's Day. An applique that I would title "Love Struck". It was still in the belfry stage of ruminating. Meaning that I hadn't actually scratched out a pencil sketch of it yet. But it seemed like an easy enough thing to assemble in powerpoint - all basic shapes. I just played with the color and sizing. It was fast and simple and warmed me up for the non-sleepy time bell head.

I can come up with applique ideas that please me but I can't figure out what to do with them. Is it too cheezy just to mount them on those teeny tiny canvases I've seen at the art supply store? Feels like too much phoning it in. Don't know. Don't want to get into painting the background - not with my cats. I don't need furry paint on the carpet, walls, ceiling, my eyelids as I sleep... well, you can just imagine the rest. Tried my beloved colored pencils - no go. Maybe on paper then laminated to the canvas? Hmm. Maybe.

OK. I've rambled enough and actually had a useful daisy of an idea pop up out of the manure. Time to get while the getting is good.

Eh, good enough, anyway.

Hook it, baby!
C

Sketches Are Progress.

2010-02-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

My mantra for the day. Sketched out a few ideas for some larger applique pieces. Doesn't feel like much but something is something.

Thinking I would make some Valentine's Day cats. For sale I mean. After all it's only the 8th. sheesh! I did think of it earlier but put it off. I have a love hate thing going on with Valentine's. Not for the regular reasons. Nothing regular about me. :-)

Nah. Just anniversary of my mother's death. Even by simply typing that my gastrointestinal system lurched a little and the conspiratorial second of pre-tear eye-sting flashed up. The physical things abate quickly when I change the subject but sadness smells my discomfort and hovers around my mood. Was special day for us all. Cute and fun and thoughtful. Still is with my brother. But we were a close knit family of 4, now halved by death.

Yeah. I'm not the only one that has lost. When people say that, what are they trying to achieve? Get over it? Suck it up? You aren't special? Your pain isn't important because things could be so much worse? There is real suffering in the world - stop feelng sorry for yourself? True. All of it. That doesn't change that I feel what I feel. But now, I should feel whatever I'm feeling that people find so pathetically loathsome and shame for being human and seeing the world from inside my own head? Never understood. Shame doesn't snap me out of depression - just makes me feel depressed and ashamed. I don't get people. Not even the one typing.

So... creativity. Making a Cupid/Satan kitty pair for Valentine's Day. Maybe I'll just post it at ravelry and flickr and be done with it. Too late to make any for sale. Which I am okay with. Just need to look up a little sooner next holiday / decorative occasion.

Or is love universal enough that cute kitties up to romantic shenanigans would be welcome at any time of the year?

Love.

I should just crochet myself a list of things I just don't get. On a scarf or something. At least it would give me something to do for the rest of the year. :-)

So sketches I won't show because I draw with such a light hand that it is incredibly difficult to take a decent photo of them. See, when I say sketch I mean "sketch" in the chicken-scratchy-lines-circles-and-random-rhomboidal-elements-designed-to -represent-actual-real-things kind of way. Not pretty. shiver

Sketches and kitty cats. That's plenty for now.

Hook On,
C

Productive Procrastination

2010-02-07T00:59:00.001-08:00

I spent the last 2 days making this:

Butt Ugly Journal Cover - Closed

Now I know what you may be thinking? Good God, why! Because I am procrastinating: putting off working on something that is rather important to me. The fear of it is much stronger than the desire for it. Sucks. Annnnnd sums up my life.

Do I want to be a artist. (Intentional grammar faux pas) like the sound of it. Ummm-hm. As I'm typing, I'm talking to myself in my head. Why should the bats get to sleep when I'm still awake?

Well? The art thing? Do I? Somewhere in my head I hear faint echoing screams of "Yes, dammit! With all my heart!" It's the rest of the voices that get in the way.

Of course I want to but I don't want to more. Like writing, like research, like baking, like anything I have ever thought I could do simply becasue I wanted it. Nothing happens by want. Everything fails by fear.

What does this have to do with the journal cover? Nuttin' Just disappointed. I need to block the flaming bejezzus out of it and yet it will likely still not meet with my satisfaction. I was going to say... my standards? Nah. I don't have standards. What was it? Oh. Expectations. And that is the trouble. I expect so much more than I can do.

No. I don't know. I just don't like how it looks and it took 2 days to make. And it was a waste of time. The only thing it's good for is a pot scrubber. Maybe I've spent too long on it. Need to walk away for a while. Block it, leave it pinned and helpless for a day or two. Enough time to take the fight out of it - and the evil out of my mood.

So here's a couple more "before" photos:

Inside - Open

Outside - Open

So is it truly productive procrastination if the end product has driven you spare? British term I heard on PBS - low brow comedy not high minded science or history. Also like the words balmy, around the bend, starkers, stark-raving, hologramatic equivalent of foaming-dog fever,nuts, cracked, whack, screwy, street-rat crazy, bonkers, and of course, snapped my twig.

Oh, by the way - it is an "eye rhyme" or a "sight rhyme" if you prefer. "Eye" sound more down with my peeps whereas sight sounds a bit elitist and borderline jargonesque. To the whack-job at the keyboard anyway.

Alas, alack and who gives a friggin' rat's...

:-D Oops. My bad.

Hook On
C

Useless bit of trivia for the day.

2010-02-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

I altered the title of my last entry to improve the flow. I figure blog etiquette be darn diddly darned since this really isn't a blog but more of a diarrhea-of-the-mouth diary. Hey. I never noticed that before: diary and diarrhea sound very similar - wonder if they share a root word somewhere in history?

That's why I changed the title from "The Outrage of the Outtage to the "Outrage at the Outage"

For one thing "of" is so grammatically incorrect it should be considered criminal under the Patriot Act. Another thing is that the word "Outtage" is an open assault on spelling as a basic function of something allegedly possessing higher brain capacity.

The biggest thing about correcting that title, is that I wanted nothing grammato-spelliferic (oh yeah - totally not a real word) to distract from the little word-play joke. OK - very little joke but it amuses me and that keeps the ticker lub-dubbing. Cut me some slack.

But this all leads us to today's useless bit of trivia from high school English class - the pairing of two words that look like they should rhyme but do not actually rhyme when spoken aloud is called an "eye-rhyme".

Damn! I can't believe I remember that. It's been what 20, 25 hundred years now? I know I thought it was cool so it immediately went into the Heh!-That's-kind-of-a-cool-bit-of-info file in my brain. Seems to have wedged itself in there pretty good. Probably wrong. Why else would I hold onto it all these years unless its a mangled memory that can make me look nerdy for knowing it and dumb for "knowing" it wrong?

I wonder if there's a word for that? Something cool and not just "dumbass".

Hmmm.

Hook On
C

The Outrage at The Outage

2010-02-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

... or what the fratz! Where's my freaking web connection?

Turns out my service provider likes to schedule updates without notifying the users. Okay so it was 1 AM and decent folk were asleep, but really! There are many night owl, chain smoking, angry loner, internet obsessed conspiracy freaks that enjoy skulking the net in the predawn hours. And we like a little warning when the umbilical cord will be severed or even temporarily unhooked. Life support is like that - uninterrupted service preferred.

Enough ranting about the uncontrollable minor inconvenience that are over and done with...

Now on to some ranting about that crocheted filet book cover with the hearts:

Finished it. Yesterday.

open and empty

closed and fake filled

inner flap - fake filled

Ha! Done. So nothing to whine about. No, wait. That can't be right. Oh come on now, there is always something to whine about.

Well it did turn out to be an odd dimension 4 1/4 inches by about 6 inches. I say turned out because no matter how clever I try to be with measuring and predicting size from other similar pieces, my projects always turn out to be something different. I have yet to resign myself to the fact that I must make a prototype of things before I get the accurate dimensions. That sucks.

But it is also ironic in its suckage. To whit: I obviously don't like learning the rules to break them. I was always getting slammed for my lack of prep work in the kitchen (and the lab whenever I was caught - I was much stealthier in my youth.) It's so boring (I wonder what can I do to the font to turn that into a whiny little brat version of itself? I mean in addition to simply using the wording and context.) Whether it's because of that anti-prep tendency or just a cruelly ironic coincidence, the few time I try to figure things out ahead of time - I get it wrong. Oh probably subconscious - "see it doesn't work anyway". Deep. And really shallow too. Nice.

So now I know the dimensions of this particular grid in this particular thread with this particular hook and in my current particular style of crocheting. I've loosened up the death grip I used to have on my hooks and my gauge is a lot looser than it used to be. My wrists and forearms hurt less too. Go figure.

Will I make a properly sized one now? Depends on how much more procrastination I'm willing to indulge before settling down to work on some call-for-entries entries I have on the back burner of my chaotic and oh so lazy little mind.

But first, I shall seek out a 4 x 6 sketchbook/notebook that is a bit promiscuous with its actual dimensions.

To the google...

Hook On!
C

Progress

2010-02-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

...or whatever.

Photo of yesterday's progress:

Photo of today's:

Getting there. Which is good, because this is the only thing I've felt like working on - well except for some mail art I'm perpetrating. More on that after I mail them.

Can't believe how accustomed to my naps I have become. It's only 11pm and I'm sluggish and drowsy. Yesterday too. I didn't take the time to edit yesterday's entry but I believe I saw some incredible grammar and typing errors as I signed out. There would also be spelling errors because I tend to transpose letters when typing under the influence (of sleepiness) - fortunately blogger underlines such errors in friendly little red dots. Lots and lots of friendly little red dots. What's that got to do with naps? Uhm. Oh yeah. Bad timing these past few days - couldn't schedule in nappy time. :-(

Times like this it is good to have something mindless to do. Not too mindless or I'd be crocheting those plain covers in filet, but mindless enough so that I flex my hands often but my brain only occasionally.

I wonder if sleep and the subsequent return into my natural circadians will help lubricate my thoughts so I can come up with another next-thing.

Time for more hook dioramas I think. Are dioramas only 3D?

Better sleep on it. ;-)

Hook on.
C

More filet

2010-02-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

Concerning filet crochet covers for journals - this took all day (Saturday I think):

- of course that was after a lot of ripping and restarting, but still about 5 hours to get that far. Yes I take a lot of breaks - I'm no machine. The biggest problem I have with this one is that it is much too plain. I use a lot of Ecru but never alone like this. Even with something appliqued to the front it would be too plain for me to justify all the work.

I do want a project to keep my hand busy while watching TV and since I haven't chosen a background option for the covers I started this yesterday:

It's based on a multi heart repeat I had forgotten that I used the tiny stuff on that repeat and was a little surprised when this started turning out so huge (comparatively). Two repeats equal about 4 1/4 inches across in size 10 thread and 9 hook - my standards. I'm continuing work on it becasue it is a nice distraction from obsessing on the covers things that I'm beginning to worry will never get done. Except that they will. If personal history has established any kind of precedent, one day I will just dive into it - choose a fabric option and finish up the ones I've begun. I seem to be experience fits of productivity. The duration and spacing of which I can not control or predict.

Another thing about the heart filet cover is that it uses up that pagoda red color I really don't care for. Too orange. Don't like the way it looks against the other colors I use. Unfortunately, Aunt Lydia's keeps changing their dyes and introducing new shades while altering those of their established colors. The Victory Red is much darker than it used to be. And not just dye lot difference - more like new formulation different. Aggravating but I can adapt. I don't know about my customer with the constant quest for new bead/thread combinations based on the original hues.

I don't know why I want to run my own business. Because I don't work well under others? Be in control instead of be controlled? Burning desire to create? Don't know. Now of it seems enough to instill in me a stable, productive work ethic.

Eh? Why bitch? Life is life. Now I've got to go online and seek other color options for the bracelet customer to nickel and dime me with.

Bitter? Paranoid? Naaaaaah.

Not much.

Hook on.
C

P.S. For giggles, here are a couple of other heart repeats from my early flickr:

color repeat

Two-fer

Filet My Brains Out.

2010-01-30T22:46:00.000-08:00

Another day another bout of waffling between design choices for a book cover. A lot of try then rip. I can't seem to decide. Takes too long to be profitable. I'm tired of saying it and even more tired of realizing it. (But probably not as tired as people are of reading it - assuming anyone is out there.)

Usually excessive ripping and generalized avoidance behavior mean that I have to do something drastic. Namely, make a decision to wander outside my comfort zone. I wish I had better words for things. I don't like relying on cliched statements particularly those that smack of co-opted jargon.

I have said I don't want to sew and I still don't, but it would be faster than crocheting - especially since I can't seem to decide on a pattern. Everything I try seems too bulky - as if it would interfere with the lay of the journals covers. Some of the things I've tried make great feeling fabric, but again, too thick for what I have in mind. Therein lies the problem. What is in my mind?

What am I after? The image in my head is a flat neutral cover that is quick and simple to make and yet is strong enough to support my attached appliques. Fabric can be sewn quickly - very simple pattern in my head. But nothing with a pattern to distract from the applique. But not linen or duck - nothing too plain or too usual. I don't like normal or expected. I crave the unusual, the quirky. That is me. That is what I believe my art style to be.

My imagination fails me if I simply use what everybody uses. Any fabric cover I take the time to bother with has to be fun for me to work with while being unexpected and fun for others to look at. Something unusual like lace or tulle. My mind drifts to paper-cloth. White glue, tissue pattern and fabric of choice. It's been done! To death. I need to coax my imagination back to life. Wake up the hamster. Relight the pilot. Fan the flames. Click the cliche.

Thinking in circles is making my head hurt.

Hook On
C

Pop Goes the... Groundhog

2010-01-29T22:59:00.000-08:00

Pretty obvious that I got frustrated with the mini books/ journal covers project and put them on the back burner for now. Wed's inactivity was a manifestation of the stuck-ness I was feeling. (Stuck-ness? Really? Sometimes the lexicon is down for repairs.) Hmm. In fact, the Granny Square project managed to wrest top priority from the book projects because of the stagnation triggered ennui. (Better but not smooth. So very forced. Forced good words not same as talking good.)

Today followed suit. I've decided what I want to do with the book thingies but it will take time and the willing submission of my somatic nervous system to the rote and rhythm of repetitive-crochet auto-pilot. Exactly why I don't make garments or large filet pieces for that matter. I need the stimulus of exploration and research. A challenge... one that I can actually do. ;-\

I thought of something a little more fun to do today. Some of the blogs I follow started bringing up Groundhog Day which led to a rather large duh-piphany for me. Groundhogs are cute and can therefore be made into a cute applique. D'uh.

I find that I need a sketch or picture or some sort of diagrammatic reference to design my appliques so I started a short hunt on line. To the Google Images! Right off the bat, I found this:

Cartoon Groundhog

How friggin' cute is that? The search was over. But I poked around some more anyway. It's nice to have a couple of images to go by. Then found this:

Groundhog Headband

Too freaking cute. And inexpensive. I am seriously considering ordering this when I am solvent again.

Hmm. Occurs to me that I forgot to copy the source names for these. Since I didn't ask permission, the very least I can do is assign a source to them. Well, that is what the edit function is for. The headband in particular I lifted from a "friendly site". The ones that don't lock their pictures claiming proprietary rights on an image that several companies are using. If it truly is your own photo then I am all for locking it up tight, but come on - all I had to do was go to the next (identical) image on the list.

Addendum - photos: headband from twinsupply.com

cartoon groundhog says it's from a myspace page but click on it and you get this weirdo site with rotating green skulls wallpaper. With my luck, I probably just picked up a virus. Come on Norton! Well, as I told my friends last time I desperately had to answer the call of nature at a seedy convenience store - "Remember this place in case I test positive for something."

So where was I? Oh yeah Groundhogs. (but 1st one more thought on the subject - I could probably make a crochet version of that headband, but sometimes I like purchasing the godless corporate mass produced cutesy items. Especially the inexpensive ones. Its the capitalistic consumer in me.) But I do also want to see what I can create in homage to the annual day of rodential forecasting.

I came up with this:

proto g hog

There's a lot of over-stitching because of a miscalculation due to faulty memory. My printer don't work and I is too seriously broke to get it repaired or replaced. So I wasn't looking at my reference cartoon animal when I was "prototyping" - ie blindly jumping in and making it up as I crocheted along. The feet weren't part of the 'toon anyway. My own addition to bump up the cute factor. Originally, the black thread "hole" section started immediately under the buck teeth making it look like he was wearing some weird black, brown and green collar with little feet on it. I did the over-stitching to see if bridging the gap made more sense. I think it did. My brother did too - Mr. Art Major is my sounding board on all matters artistic. The things I don't want to go to art school to learn = perspective, balance, etc etc.

Usually I would have noticed it wasn't working and frogged the piece to start over. But the little guy was essentially finished and too cute to rip into so I just finished him up the best I could without tearing back to his neck and moved on. The next attempt has a neck!

g hog deux

Like this one better body-in-hole wise. The teeth are a lot bigger. Makes him look a little "Hyuck - Gawrsh" but that can be cute too.

I'm going to put them to bed tonight and review them tomorrow with fresh eyes. I rather wanted to write up the pattern and post it at Ravelry but I need to make sure I still like it in the morning. And since I didn't write anything down, it should be fun to see how much I can remember of what I did in the manana.

On another note. There's this Groundhog Along ... event I guess is what it is called. Bunch of people on line working on the same groundhog pattern at the same time, posting their progress photos as they go. Ultimately sharing the finished product photos. An internet grass roots thing - outcropping of the social networking phenomenon. Which is all good. I personally am having a devil of a time with social networking. I hardly ever sign in at Facebook and my Twitter is twit-less since I signed on last week. I just don't have anything to say. I don't go out. And I mean outside not just out socially. I can see the whole cool tool for promotion angle but even my etsy shop is in disarray. I don't have anything to promote. That's why I'm trying to focus on the book thingies.

Anyway, the Groundhog Along. I was tempted to participate because it is a social thing that I can figure out how to get into. Why didn't I? Because they were using a pattern that one of them was selling. I may just be cheap, but I didn't like that. $5 for a pattern seems excessive when you are broke. I gave up trying to charge for patterns on Ravelry because everyone is broke and I felt creepy asking for even $3. I think my patterns are worth the price because they take a lot of work to develop and write up but I just can't stick to my guns when it comes to issues of self-worth.

Actually what I found irritating/insulting was that the "invitation" /notification of the "Along" was on a blog site in this hey-everybody-let's-get-together-and-do-something-fun tone of voice and it wasn't anything more than a promotion trick for the pattern seller? No. Wait. I'm not being fair. A pattern developer has the right to be compensated for their vision and hard work. I can't fault her that. It's the feeling of being tricked into purchasing that's jammed sideways in my craw. Too much like "If you want to play with us, you have to buy the ball." I don't think that's in the spirit of true social-networking, but if it is then I definitely don't want to belong.

Am I being a Pollyanna? I know that commerce is mercenary by nature. Nice gal tactics result in failed businesses. But I thought the craft world was better than that. Utopian sharing and congenial fraternity. (Hmm Why isn't that ever "sorority" instead of "sisterhood"?) Maybe not. I'm cynical and a clinical depressive, I shouldn't have been surprised. But I was. Am.

I've spent a lot of my life feeling the outsider. I was so happy to find crafting because of the bohemian aesthetic. The first chunk to fall before me from the crumbling tower of this false bastion of virtue came in Craft Report - petty name-calling in-fighting between fine craft and folk craft. The same bile I see spewed today in "discussions" of art vs craft and studio craft vs "internet craft". Everyone wants to be better than someone - the more someones the better. Elitist, exclusionary jargon builds up walls to separate their riff from our raff. And nothing matters because our hearts are fiercely partisan and our spirits blindly violent.

Wow. How did I get there from cute little amigurumi Groundhog? Anger tires me. I'm tired. This is enough.

Hook On
C

Catch up.

2010-01-29T13:47:00.000-08:00

Slow couple of days these past few.

Nothing on Wed. No, really. Sat in a chair and stared. (Ha! - oldie but goodie, thanks to Sienfeld.) Actually, I stared at the TV but that's pretty close to staring at nothing. Even with a State of the Union address. Politics not my bag. Too much partisan hate. Actual hate. Over party affiliation. Like there isn't true evil in the world committing genocide on their own species, acts of horror on other species, devastation on the planet. Too much to take in. Just too much - period

On the vastly lighter side and grateful for it:

Road trip to the craft store yesterday, yay! Breaking in a gift card from Xmas. Almost broke it entirely. (tee hee) L-U-V the craft store. I love books too, but the side trip to the bookstore was strictly for a crochet magazine. Looking for stitch ideas and can't find the dictionaries I used to reteach myself crochet a couple of decades back. Yeah, they are in storage - big surprise.

So have a couple of new skeins to play with. Actual yarn. I know. What's up with that? Ideas brewing.

A new magazine to read, too. In fact...

Reading about the Hooking On,
C

Ever Just Feel Silly?

2010-01-26T22:17:00.000-08:00

I love a good pun. Hmm. Oxymoron? Maybe just moron? HA! ;-)

There's just nothing like a loud throaty groan and head tilting eye roll to make the day sing.

Struck me today. Had to make it today. Need to share it today:

Granny Square

HA! Picture Edna Krabapple-style snark on that expletive.

Interestingly enough (to me anyway), I've never made a real granny square before - never felt that Hippie/Granny/Retro-chic/nostalgic. And I don't really like pastel colors. In fact I only recently acquired the colors used in the block. Just felt like they would be granny-appropriate. And for the subversion lovers, a black spiky "border". Now if only it photographed better. Eh. Why blame the process: if only I could take a better photograph, the colors would look nicer - kind of Easter chocolate candy coating -esque.

Oh well. This was today's Creative. Plus more work on the Siamese Chesire cat cover. Turning out bulkier than I like but also faster, especially considering the burst and rest method of production it seems I've adopted.

Feeling pretty good tonight which must be why I'm not in that much of a whining mood. Ah, but there is always tomorrow. Oh, Great! Now I gotta go find a red dress, curly red wig and white blank-out contact lenses because I'm never going to get that song out of my head now. ;-D

Later days with hook in hand, ya'll
C

Yawn and stuff.

2010-01-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

Another day further along the entropy trail. So what did I do? Put a border on the blue sky "canvas" and then re-blocked it. The black border is thinner than the white one. I hadn't really noticed any difference between the two in thread form but they must be different widths. sigh ... and they are both size 10 from the same company. so much for standardization.

I decided I'll wait until the beginning of next month and purchase some of the 3 1/2 by 5 1/2 sized moleskin sketch books. Just gonna make a filet grid cover at the proper dimensions and attach the appliques to the grid. Sell the whole unit. Adds value to have an actual sketch book, even if it is a small size. I can't be the only person out there that makes small sketches and small art. I've always wondered if people think that small in size automatically means small in value. Not so much with say diamonds or oil paintings but definitely with "granny craft". Granny ART thank you very much!

Tired of trying to justify to myself that this is art. Whatever dammit. I love making. Others have said they love what I do. I don't need to capture the world's interest. Just want to hit a rhythm. Make, sell, make keep, make sell, make, show, make, live. Not too much to ask is it? Probably.

So also started on a new cover at the proper dimensions. I am determined to fix my prototypes for sale. I hate wasting effort except of course for when its something fun. Anyway. Started on a 3.5 by 5.5 panel in that scallopy cluster stitch. Not really a spike after all. I saw it in an Interweave Crochet as "Wattle" stitch. Unflattering name but better than the last reference I found online - "Hen's Paws". I mean really. WTF is that! Hen's don't have paws. I keep thinking I must have read that wrong. My memory does tend to twist things when I don't commit them to paper. Oh, but I digress. I tried several stitch patterns trying to emulate fur because I'm turning this one into a Cheshire style Siamese cat - expanding on an idea from earlier last year. Everything I tried used scs and they take forever. So I settled on my old favorite. Wattle wattle. Makes a nice dense fabric and feels like it works up fast. Makes my wrist sore in large blocks - need to check what's that's about - posture most likely.

So. I'm happy with the panel. Used my size 5 steel with an Ecru colored thread that is obviously thicker than my usual. Not quite a 5 or 3 but definitely not a 10. For the spine and inner flaps I'm using an offset filet grid - as it's called in the publications Muffy, Dahling. Like a (ch1 space, 3 dc) filet block - works up fairly quickly and is more closed than the usual (ch2 space, 4 dc) filet grid. Still a way to go, but at least it's something new. OK. New-ish.

So yesterday I mentioned another set of pix. A little project that just struck me as funny and entertaining to do, you know - for later. Then for some reason I couldn't get it out of my head so I did it. Don't remember when really . Could probably look it up, but , Good God why? I crocheted a sunglasses cozy. Permanent one.

Front View

Inside View

Side View

Why? Why not? Always wanted to wrap/crochet-entomb something with odd dimensions. How fortuitous then that I stumbled across my broken old Foster Grants (didn't even know that's what they were until I crocheted over the tiny print on the stem). Now I've got a taste for "entombing". Am considering doing the same to picture frames for future use. Would do it for the upcoming show, but I really do want to set the focus on the work not the frame. In fact, even considering "shadow boxing" again. It's important to be me (ie crochet hang rod or crocheted frame), but it's also important to be taken seriously (ie shadow box/floating frame). The two haven't coincided in my life so far and I've paid the price for it. Often.

Oh well. Decisions are for clear heads and it is bed time. I have my fun, silly sunglasses (of which my cats are especially enamored - the little bastards) I'll find a way to protectively display them and enjoy my little joke. So cozy you can't see through them. Not much of a joke, I know, but hey there is a reason that I'm not headlining Vegas.

Hook on and snore loud.
C

Post-block party.

2010-01-24T22:48:00.001-08:00

Have no idea when I did what, that is after all the reason I started trying to chronicle my daily craftivites. Argh. Like the silly word, but it's a lot punier typed out than it sounded in my head.

Oh well. The one time line-esque item I do remember is that I got out the blocking materials and went to town on a few of my recent items. As an aside, my blocking kit consists of lots of straight pins (the kind with the brightly colored plastic balls on their heads) and several disassembled pizza boxes sealed together in clear packing tape. Usually works great, although lately I'm having a lot of thin, clear, shiny strips pulling up on the back of my crochet pieces. Just some residual blocking medium (fabric stiffener and/or fabric glue - depending on which bottle is closer and not yet empty). The extraneous material is a bugger to get off completely, fortunately its only on the back of the items. Still its kind of pretty in a static clinging tinsel sort of way.

Back to the original track - Woo Woo! (Oh, I don't know - just feeling goofy)Took pictures of some of the items I've been going on about.

The Spiral Book

Front Cover

Back Cover

Pages Open

The covers have been made larger as I mentioned before. Intentionally noticeable in the pink. I was hoping to make this for sale but the paste job is really beginning to make me ashamed of myself for considering that professional behavior. Besides, I hate the way the pages turned out. The alignment is not precise enough. A problem I've always had - don't plan it out enough before doing. Concentrating on precision takes all the fun out of it for me, but unfortunately precision is what makes the end product something of which I can be proud. Too many holes too close to the edge in the cardstock. And the page shapes aren't close enough to each other or the cover. The covers are too floppy. arrrrgghhh

I have this trouble whenever I make books, I don't like being able to see the back side of any of the pages or covers. No matter how clean I sew on the appliques, I don't like the unfinished look. Usually I address this issue by making front/back pairings for everything. pg 1 butt up against front cover , stitch together. Makes for thick pages but I like the look. I've debated doing that for the spiral book, but as I proved to myself already I can't seem to make the spirals the same way twice. Size 10 thread has pretty wild variations in actual diameter. The pink works up tighter than the rainbow because it is almost imperceptibly thinner. Whatever.

I'm trying to make these mini books as a quick, inexpensive item to offer on my etsy site that still reflects what I prefer doing. The jewelry is fun but I don't like making a lot of it. Maybe because I don't wear jewelry often. DK. There are people I've read about that do small quick things for their site and I love the ideas. I want to make more books, but I have nothing to say. Only cover ideas - no content. It's why I'm not a writer even though I love words and would love to be published. Don't have the discipline or attention span to learn the rules. So I figured book covers would be a cool thing to make. Removable for sketch pads. But then I get all freaking lazy and don't want to put all that effort into something that I can't get adequately compensated for financially. It takes forever to crochet with thread. A large cover would have to have a large price. Even covers for the tiny 3.5 by 5.5 sketch books would take a lot of time. Time I could be spending on something more creative... ok, more fun.

I've been called immature and childish (mostly by therapists - who else would say it to your face?) but the truth is I am what I am. Sounds like a Popeye flavored cop-out doesn't it? But I have wasted a lot of years trying to be who I'm not. It's not worth it. Life is winding down faster than I care to think about and I have limited energy to spend on living. I need to allocate that time to things that keep me afloat. Things that keep me here. Otherwise the unknown potential terrors of the other side are far more preferable to the all-too familiar trials of this side. The mantra spinning in my head for most of my life has been, "I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this anymore." Crafting, crocheting keeps that nonsense at bay. But then I run into fallow patches where I don't produce anything. I can't decide on what to make. I can't find motivation. I can't feel much of anything. And it's these times when I am vulnerable to the self attack. As much as I hate production, I need something to do everyday, something tangible and accountable to someone else. Jobs don't do that for me because the accountability is never constructive. Just judgmental and punitive. I can't read minds, I don't anticipate people demands, I don't try. I guess for me the accountability is hard to define. Something like keeping my store stocked so I can have steady business. Self-attack: "No one will but the shit anyway, darling. Just give up." I'm tired of giving up.

So I've toyed mentally with hawking "prints" of my crochet drawings so that 1) I don't have to part with my babies, 2) I don't have to feel like I'm being ripped off by underselling my work, 3) I don't have to feel mercenary for charging what people can't afford to pay. Would it work? Don't know but it is something I'm willing to try and find out. Maybe I can try it with my Roses-poem books. I've been thinking about that for awhile. Maybe people would buy a printed version of them for $5.

I don't know. This lack of decisiveness is beginning to piss me off. Do I abandon the covers idea? Don't want to, but don't know if it's worth it. God. Is anything worth anything to me?

Anyway, I don't like the way the spiral book turned out. I have no content for crocheted pages. It's too irregular for a removable cover. Maybe I just need to chuck it. Maybe put it on a cloth removable cover. I don't sew. I won't sew. Maybe paint a cover and attach the spiral onto that. Don't paint. Too many cats and I don't want a messy component to my work. Maybe a filet grid cover with the spiral on front. Maybe a canvas and frame treatment? I like the canvas and frame. But I'm a little stuck there too:

Lady-stache back cover

Lady-stache Stache

See now, these are the things I love doing. Funny, quirky, odd, weird. Makes me so flippin' happy! Really. Yahoo! See? But again, I'm stuck. Dimensions are off - about 2 1/3" by about 4". I could always measure before I start. Must remember: These are prototypes. For some reason I want to make them as the end product. That might mean I don't want to make anymore. But once it's streamlined, I might actually get into it. Like the Xmas fridgie ornaments. First one is a pain but then after than it's fairly mindless and routine and I don't mind because I have the goal of finishing them. Maybe that's the accountability I'm looking for. An end to reach. A goal. Semantics.

Whatever. I've gone on long enough. One more set of pictures. Eh. I'll save them for tomorrow.

Hook on, my doves. Hook on.
C

What's today? Thursday?

2010-01-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

Hmm. How about that?

Made another pink canvas/frame for the proposed back cover. That really shouldn't have taken all day. I guess it really didn't. Just the evening. Spent a lot of time today researching on the web. Looks a lot like loafing on the net, except that I don't like reading screens for long periods of time. Tires my eyes out, too bright and scrolling makes me dizzy. Using microfilm or microfiche (remember those?) at the library used to make me quite nauseous. Hard to find the info you want when you can't look at the data as it whizzes past.

Anyway. Research on alternative book binding. These are mini books that I want to make. Sewing seems the norm but so dull. Looked at dozens of fastening ideas today and I might just have decided on crocheting instead of sewing card to spine. Similar to attaching crocheted pages to a crocheted spine.

Also researched ways to mount 2 pieces for hanging. Been obsessing on clear acrylic shadow boxes and I still may go there in the future, but for right now, it's simply too expensive. Bulky too and therefore expensive to mail. Even asked someone on flickr for help. I like how her pieces look hanging - like they grow out of the wall. Clean and focused. All about the art not the hardware. I'll probably go with a crochet hook hang rod. I like the look and the idea of reminding people that this is crochet dammit! It can do anything. I believe firmly in cramming crochet as art down people's throats. Well to be fair, I'm only that "militant" about it on those days when I'm not feeling timid, unloved and untalented. Yes. I do have those kicky, carefree kind of days. It usually clears up without need for penicillin. ;-/ That's my "smirking" emoticon I often wonder if it should be the other way ;-\ DK. Some days I like one, others the other.

OK. So not much to show. Too tired to take pix. Maybe tomorrow. Things in need of photography are piling pretty high. Good thing my work is on the small side - no fear of being crushed in any cat-triggered avalanche.

sleepy time

Sleep deep and dream of hooks,
C

Time is Sneaky

2010-01-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

How can something measured on a round instrument keep getting away from me? Apathy maybe. Eh. Doesn't matter.

So since last time:

Uh

hmm

uh

OK - make that "starting with today":

1-20-10

Working on another pseudo blank book idea. Another pink one with a snarky twist. Hot pink frame around orchid pink (how pretentious is that for a color name?)"canvas". Big black, curly ended mustache on the front cover, winking eyeshadowed eyes on back with a kissy lip button as closure (centered under the stache). I've only just finished the frame/canvas part for the front cover. But the idea is burning away happily inside my head.

Why?

DK. Maybe it's that subversiveness I keep hearing about among modern crafters. I enjoy juxtaposing disparate elements and/or complete opposites in my work. A trend I only noticed recently. Maybe a year or so. When reviewing the theme of a lot of my more complex "hook drawings". Anyway, there's something that amuses me about the girly-stache idea. I don't usually bother to study my motives for making something. I'm happy to have a spark spark, I don't need to know the flint's name, gender or family history. If I were to get all touchy feely / art school classification on this, I guess the feeling is one of perverse pleasure in the surprise twist and general amusement at the idea of glorifying our facial hair instead of hitting the button on the depilatory morphine drip that lets us believe that we aren't just balding apes.

1-19-10

I've seen a lot of mustache items about especially at etsy. Cute and clever things, which is usually all it takes for me to like something. And I do like them I just never figured I'd be making any. Until a couple of weeks ago when it occurred to me to combine the mustache craft trend, which I sorta get, with the pear in art that I don't get at all. Is it the shape? The subtleties of the variations in the skin colors? Whatever. So I made a mustached pear. I don't know if I've talked about that yet. Probably - I talk a lot once I get going.

Anyway. I worked out a background for the pear-stache to act as the cover for a mini blank book. This was the first permutation of the canvas/frame idea. Used a parakeet (bright sky blue) for the "canvas" in my beloved wave pattern and built around it with black in plain scs. Need to block the mother and then I can surface crochet some fluffy white clouds behind it. Another Magritte reference. Yeah yeah he did apples but I had a pear with a mustache languishing for a home. You know, this all sounds familiar. I think I've talked about it before. Oh well, let's just call this blog my stream-of-consciousness daily diary. Wait! I've said that before too. Man! I hate repeating myself. Embarrassing... but apparently unavoidable. Eh. If you're in for the ride, blathering repetition is part of the ticket price.

Aaaanyway.

Made a gray wave pattern with white spike stitch scallopy border to emulate clouds. The idea being that the Stormy Magritte hat will go on the blue and the Sunny Magritte hat on the gray. Maybe as front and back cover to mini blank book.

1-18-10

Actually, I started working on the blue "canvas" on the 18th. Originally with white in that scallopy spike stitch I always use - I really need to learn the name of these stitches - but I'm really beginning to believe that there are no standard codifications for these things). I really wanted to put surface crocheted clouds behind the pear - more Magritte-y that way I suppose - but that was too much "fluffy", so I ripped out that border and (eventually) went with the black scs. It's no wonder I'm so slow at making anything - rip, try something else, repeat.

Needs some serious blocking, but I like. The 9 hook might be too ~~tight~~ (uh, small?) for this application. (I used a 5 hook for the pink of 1-20 -see above- and it is much flatter and worked up faster to boot. Of course it is in the scallopy spiky and not the wave so it isn't proper to compare.)

OK. I've confused myself here, too. Let's just say that I found a canvas/frame style to place my appliques on when making a blank mini book.

Now if I can only stop generating ideas long enough to start completing. Like maybe by actually putting some pages between these covers.

To the hook, my precious
C

Where Does the Day Go?

2010-01-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

What did I dids today? Not sure - one day is very like the next.

Let's see:

Sunday
January 17, 2010
11:30ish pm

-Whorl pix and retro insert.

-Catchup entry on allegedly daily blog.

-Final edit on Tom Cat pattern. Posted at Ravelry & emailed requester.

-Worked on whorls to make them closer in size. Just finished that. Pix to come later.

Weird, I coulda sworn that I followed the same exact sequence of sts for both whorls yet pinky turned out bigger and after the alterations... flatter, I guess. Anyway, I didna wanna push me luck on it and just evened things up by building up the flats into peaks. Now front and back cover are just about "identical". Or as close to identical as allowed by the limited time that this hairless monkey is willing to spend on such things. Perfect? Hardly! No such thing exists on my earth, Horatio.

Little trivialities I suppose, but to me they count as creative and therefore somewhat productive.

As for the rest of the day? Heck if I know.

Puzzled but crafty,
C

The Revolt Continues.

2010-01-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

Eked out a bit more work on the pear-stache tea pot on the 16th, but not much else.

I did ~~hade~~ (hade? What the hell kind of word is that?) have the idea to make a small book ala the skewer book book. ( Oh what is the title? Author is Mary Astroth I think. ) Anywho, I bought that book the last time I thought about making blank books for sale at etsy. I love books, all I would have to do is make a cover, insert and secure the cardstock pages and it would be done - something I love that I could work up much more quickly than an entirely crocheted book.

Which I would love to make more for sale, but I've had those 2 crocheted books at etsy for over a year now with no nibbles. Yes they are $20 each but what defines value? Those books are entirely handmade, quite a few geezer hours went into making them, and they have a lot of beads on the spines and covers. I guess they don't look like they are worth the bux especially with the economy treading water around the drain. What ya gonna do?

So maybe people will place a higher value on a blank book. All that potential waiting for exploitation. Personalize to their own taste or for a gift. etc. I even purchased some cardstock that last time I went down this road. And I actually know where the package is!! Amazing.

So that's where my mind wandered between trips to worship the white porcelain god yesterday. Then my standard procrastination-as-barely-disguised-fear questions arose - what to put on the cover? How big? How many? What style? and, ultimately - Why bother? No one will want them anyway. To get over myself, I recalled that I do have the idea for the Whorl book. It would only be about 2 inches across but I wouldn't have to charge much and I know how the people's love that. But artists must foster the sense of value in their work - so I can't cheap out too much. ah decisions. But thinking about the little Whorl book put me in mind of other designs:

The Magritte series. - Where the front cover looks like a framed piece of artwork - but crocheted. Like the Darwinian portrait.

The pear-stache - Originally thought of also as a Magritte-y portrait on a blue cloud filled background. Of course Magritte did floating green apples not pears and the mustache is from left field but then "unique" is how I roll. Ok Ok. Quirky and odd is how I roll but it's all good - all three adjectives make me happy.

The most daunting thing that I've been dreading about production work is that I get so bored so easily and the motifs (appliques, whatever) that I make are a lot of work. But, upon further consideration, they are a lot of work to figure out but after that they are easy to subject to an assembly line. Like the Christmas card ornaments I make.

What if I make too many and no one buys? Then give them away like you do with everything else you just "wanted to see if you could make".

Life's not as hard as a make it. Or maybe as I like it. It's easier to give up before I start. Then I can take the meds and take a nap. I love naps. So nice and snuggly and soft and comfortable... hmmm. I'm sold!

Nappy nap
C

My Body is Revolting.

2010-01-16T04:28:00.000-08:00

...in sooooo many ways. ;-)

More accurately, it is in revolt. At least I've certainly felt under siege these past few days. Sinus headache without benefit of cold, flu, or any kind of analgesic either. Just gotten so lazy about keeping stocked up on the basic supplies necessary of life - oh yes, aspirin counts right up there with toilet paper in my home!

Anyway. Feeling a little better thought I'd remind myself what I managed to do creatively. Makes me feel better to document even if I can't seem to do a simple "I did this" kind of entry. Too big a mouth? Too much the drama empress? Yes and oh yes.

1-16-10 : Just started cut me some slack! :-)

1-15-10 : Hmmm. Uh. Hmmmmmm. See it already begins to fade... Right! worked on the mustached pear as tea pot in 3D. Trouble shaping the mustache. They go on the front of a face, but I've been trying to build it in like a layer of the body. Hard to see the front for the back. Maybe I'll try more of an attached at the front but wraps around the sides approach.

1-14-10 : Began work on said pear pot. Oh and finished the sunglasses project. That made me happy. Now I'm thinking about what else I could wrap. I keep coming back to knife. Big Rambo mother with lots of spikes and flares. Or maybe just my beloved stiletto. Never having owned one, I would need to start a hunt. Pawn shop maybe? Hey, how about a gun? Something broken maybe - missing the firing pin. Why? Maybe cheaper. Safer. Woos-ier, too. Am I trying to make a statement with all this? I never know. I would totally suck at art school. Usually do great at school. Love the validation of getting good grades and praise for making something with my own little hands. It's a Catch-22 though, rapturously feed on the love, painstakingly tie my intestines into knots with stress of test anxiety. How not to be anxious when I define my entire self esteem on doing well. Plus, I hate being told what to do when it comes to self-expression... and employment... and the way I live... who I talk to... what I think... you get the idea.

And that's the way it's been.
Good day and thanks
C

Tom the Turkey Cat

2010-01-14T00:04:00.000-08:00

Festivities of 1-13-10.

Outlined the rainbow and hot pink whorls from yesterday in black thread. Was originally going to blo sc around and then use regular stitches around and around filling in the background into a rectangle or square - to make them into covers. Didn't like the way it was looking. Rip-ola and just went with the blosc.

Spent hours and hours on Tom Cat as I'm calling the turkey surly cat. All day today on the fucking tail alone. I just finished the chart a few minutes ago. I'll wait until tomorrow to write it all down.

Frustrated is a good word. Tired is too. Disappointed is a particularly odd choice, but there it is. I'm not sure what this is - disappointed in who? Me, I think. Nah, I'm pretty certain on that one actually. In what and why? Just all and for no reason. Ah, all or nothing - my beloved homeland.

Never get too:

tired - my shoulders say yes
lonely - does it matter / too much work to think about
hungry - always
angry - so much I want to cry

..and I think I'll go do just that. Beats screaming until I black out. :-\

Always
C

Groovy Whorl and Pattern Madness

2010-01-13T23:38:00.000-08:00

Actual events of 1-12-10

Made the 14 wave pattern in the round with thread - the rainbow variegated. I couldn't wait - Lord knows when the next yarn forage will be? Christmas spanked us rosy, but was totally worth it. tee hee

I'm surprised how well the pattern held up to all those colors. I'll take a pic later and retro-post then. re:insert later pretend it was at the same time as the words. You know, lie. Still, pretty groovy - hence the title up there.

Warning - -- Retro-Hack -- Warning

ie those very pix - finally

Rainbow Whorl

Pink Whorl

Hmm. That pink is a lot more happening in digital photo land. Alas. I return you to our blathering post. Carry on, C 1/17/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Thought I'd try a solid color of thread and see how that worked. The thread I use isn't shiny and the solid came out kind of dull. Even though I used hot pink, the result was kind of understated and/or drab. Good for a back cover, I mused. Ooo. A bookie!? More on that later.

What else did the 12th yield creatively? Just more work on the pattern for the Surly Turkey Cat. It's a butt-load of work to write it all down and make the diagram/chart. So easy to just pick up the hook and start but so much work to document. That's why I hadn't bothered offering formal instructions when I posted the photos on Ravelry. I figured if someone wanted the exact pattern, I could just write it up and give it up. Ha!

How can such an easy pattern need so many words to describe? Same thing happened with the Leaf People pattern that someone asked for at my "grown-up blog" Cecinatrix. On that one I got hopelessly lost while writing the word part. Had to wait to get it printed out so I can do it old school on paper. I prefer seeing the diagram while writing but the Leaf thing is just too large and hard to keep track of, but I have the print-outs now and it is next on my pattern writing agenda. Feel so bad though. she asked months ago and I kept putting off going to Kinko's for the print out. Totally sucks having a personal printer but not being able to use it - the cable got fried in a lightning storm and I haven't had the funds to replace and perform the vast array of system checks on the rest of the darling's functions.

And yet, here I am killing my butt to write the cat ones. sigh. I'm really in a why- am-I-knocking-myself-out-over-this-when-I'm-just-going-to-offer-it-for-free-and-nobody-appreciates-all-my-hard-work-anyway kind of mood. Why free? I want people to download the patterns because that makes me believe that they like the patterns and, by extension, me. And no one seems willing to buy my patterns no matter how cheaply I sell ~~myself~~ my labor.

Just this stupid wounded thing wanting love. God! I am sick of feeling sorry for myself. Why do I have to be so damned good at it?

Anyway that's what I did creatively on the 12th.

Hook this!
C

1-11-10 Magritte Appliques

2010-01-11T23:41:00.001-08:00

Ok. I make a lot of applique type thingies. I enjoy making crocheted tableaux with my appliques. I dream of making more and getting gallery representation. But my mind skips around a lot and I focus on odd things at odd times often even forgetting that I love to make my little appliques.

Case in point, I've been thinking and scheming and crocheting and ripping and re-crocheting a lot lately about the idea of a bowler hat patterned with clouds a la Magritte. Not terribly original, but it's been in my head too long. Ever since I saw this umbrella at a museum (MOMA?) gift shop:

Which I saw over ten years ago in a catalog and still think is one of the coolest things ever.

I digress.

If you've been following me,(and my condolences if you have) - I've been trying to make a full size wearable hat out of yarn. Mainly because making a life size hat out of thread seems like a madness even I won't entertain. It took three days before it occurred to me that I would like the end product better as an applique motif. Duh. I had this realization last time I was on the Magritte hat train of though (maybe 6 months ago - or a year?) but that was after years of "Oh, I'll try that later after I get the right yarn". And I forgot again! But this time I didn't let it go. And... tada!:

Stormy Magritte

Not sure why I started with the Stormy Magritte first. Oh wait, I couldn't find my favorite shade of blue for skies. I had put it away in a nice container and couldn't find it. Typical of my organizational efforts. You know, I really was well-organized at work back in the day. Was noted for it in fact. But at home? Yikes! No, really. YIKES!!!

Back to the applique. It's about 1.5" across. Forgot to measure it. Did I mention that I also filed my rulers away the last time I was in a cleaning jag? All my measuring devices are still currently in limbo somewhere. Anyway. Standard size for my projects. Then - Lo and Behold! For on this great day was found my blue thread. Hallelujah!:

Sunny Magritte, small

This one is about 0.75" (3/4th inch - Hmmm. How are fractions formatted in blogger-land?) Tiny. Hard as hell to photograph due to that "ti-ninity" especially since we all know full well that I suck at photography to begin with. But I really like the way the clouds look. So I tried again, going bigger:

Sunny Magritte, large

Ah. Comparable in size to the Stormy one but a freaking struggle to make (and photograph - again!). The clouds came out awful. I had to do a lot of over-stitching with needle and thread to even them out and I absolutely did not want to simply embroider the clouds on. Wanted them to be in the matrix. sigh.

This happens to me occasionally. At the best of times, I can't reproduce an applique identically but then there are times when I can't seem to get my hands to cooperate with my brain. I get frustrated and angry and usually quit. But lately, I've discovered that physically putting the piece down for even 10 minutes hits the mental refresh button. Pretty cool. Who knew that getting up to get a glass of water or even taking a short side trip to make room for said water could loosen up the bats packed so tightly in that belfry?

Still, I like the hat applique idea overall. (No big surprise, that.) Even thinking of making more to decorate a sketch book or two for the etsy shop. Hmmm.

Hook on
C

Hmm. I like these so much I'll post them on flickr and tie it into my "professional - I am not crazy" blog. maybe even verbatim. tee hee. Lazy hookers of the world - uni..

oh well you know the rest.

;-)
C

1-10-10 --- Stormy Magritte Hat - Wearable Version

2010-01-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

Took another stab at the crochet bowler in that wave pattern I love so much:

Turned at End of Rows

This time, I turned the piece every row the way it's meant to be worked when making a flat object ie afghan. Yes, I commandeered the stitch from an afghan pattern I saw only God knows where - it's been years. And I actually did make an afghan with it but of course I have no idea where that throw is. Storage I imagine. As long as it hasn't been peed on by the wonder-bladder twins I'll be happy.

It's hard to tell if I like this version better. The yarn has been ripped, re-used, recycled about 6 times by the time I finished this mock-up. Fuzzy and lost its sheen. I'll try again later. I just wanted to finish a prototype to see how aspects of the pattern would work out. I do still like the wobbly, psuedo-psychedelic look. I'm dying to try this in a rainbow variegated yarn. Wonder if colors will obscure the pattern? Want to preserve the whirl. ok ok One thing at a time.

Little Black Cloud

It's a little boxy - too flat on top. More like a pork pie I think it's called. I like that style of hat but this has those lumpy peaks that are unattractive. Funny that I didn't think about the top being too flat because I was concentrating on getting the thing to be flat instead of too-many-stitches-ruffly. Well funny in a big Homer Simpson-esque "d'oh" kind of way. Not really a problem - its easy to fix - just dome out the top by playing with the "stitches per stitch" when working around.

The little black cloud turned out cute, but an attempt at a larger one was ugly -like calling the new wife by the old wife's name type ugly. Well not that bad but close.

Floppy Brim

I didn't spend a lot of time on the brim - just wanted to see if I would like the way the undulating pattern would look. I didn't want an up-and-down undulating brim, but more of a scalloped edge kind of thing. Was worried it would be too girly / lacy / baby-shower-y with scallops. But is ok. I'll need to play with it some more - make the brim wider and pay closer attention to keeping it flat. There's the tendency to curl.

So ironically, I didn't use sc stitches because I wanted a soft fit, but it might be too soft. The thing is rather floppy. When on my head, it stretches out into a more bowler looking silhouette, but it doesn't hold that shape when disembodied. Scs would make it solid. Hcs would make it thicker. I don't know. Eh. I'll try the wave pattern again first and fix some of the things I didn't like. Maybe the wave will still work. Hell, what are prototypes for?

You know, it occurs to me that I rarely make wearables. I love hats true, but why am I working myself up over this pattern when I could always make appliques that capture the idea and can be put on something I can see? Hard to see a hat once it's on your own head. I want to enjoy the image. Oooo! And I have the right colors in thread to boot! Appliques it is.

Well they aren't mutually exclusive projects. It's just that appliques are quicker and I can enjoy them that much faster. Tomorrow.

Hook on
C

1-9-10 ---- The Hat

2010-01-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

I've had this idea for years. Only now does it nag me to address it.

Magritte Bowler

So I don't sketch well. I'm the only one that has to understand it. tee hee. So the idea is a crocheted bowler hat based on the iconic Magritte clouds on blue sky. Instead of a black bowler (and disembodied suit) in front of a cloudy sky, I thought it would be fun to actually put the sky and clouds on the hat. Trouble is, now that I feel like tackling it, I don't have the right color yarns. No big shock - I work in thread, when do I ever have "enough" yarn lying around? So I'll put off the hat until I can make a yarn run. Because no way in hell am I making a full size one out of thread! I'm not that young a woman.

But, wait, I do have some left-over shiny silver-grey acrylic and a bit of fluffy black wool blend. I could do storm cloud / stormy sky Magritte hat! I can't believe I never thought of that before. I'm a real glass is half-empty and cracked anyway kind of gal, perpetually under my own "little black rain cloud" -(a favorite Pooh Bear song). This is perfect for me. Even if in the sketch it looks like something for PigPen to wear on top of his Ghost/Potato Halloween costume. I got jazzed.

Well as jazzed as I could muster through my ever-encroaching fog of blase'.

Usually, when I want control of a pattern that I am just making up on the fly, I use sc stitches. Can get some great shaping that way - all my appliques start this way. Dilemma - I also hate using sc stitches - they make 3-D projects stiff and hard to shape, ironically enough. Plus they make a project take foreeeeeever. My attention span favors obsessive details not blind rote. I know a lot of people find the repetitiveness calming and rather Zen ( I have read, and loved The Knitting Sutra) but that's just not me. Sure I can blissfully zone out on a project but I better be able to clearly see the finish line or I'll just go take a nap instead.

Point. Point. I had a point...

Ah. I try to use my favorite stitch patterns when making big, wearable things. Keeps my mind engaged enough to keep me interested. So I started the Gray Sky Magritte using the 14 wave stitch, as I call it. Creates these cool repeating spindle shapes that remind me of water currents. Wind currents too. I use this stitch a lot to indicate both water and sky in my applique vignettes. It's a regularly repeating pattern, so I have to figure out how to work it while making increases. Kind of confusing but kind of fun too - at least I have to pay attention while I work it.

My first stab at the hat:

Wavy Storm Hat

Now, I really like the whole asymmetrical groovy counterspin-y kind of look to this, but it doesn't lay very flat. The stitch pattern is meant to be worked in 2 rows - one RS one WS - but I worked this in the round. I think I'm gonna frog it and try turning at the end of every round. But first, I wanted to document this version. It might make a fun pillow or shawl or beret or something... later. So in addition to the picture I'll write down how I did it in the ole notebook.

Then on to another attempt. I might have to give in and use sc or maybe hdc stitches. I don't like unintentionally "holey" projects and the wavy version kind of gaps a lot. Additionally the clouds aren't easy to free form in this wave pattern. Maybe should just surface crochet them on afterward. Nah. No challenge there.

Well, back to the hook.
C

1-9-10 ----- The Friggin' Socks

2010-01-10T06:03:00.000-08:00

Ah yes. A little further behind than usual. Which is odd because I'm feeling pretty okay right now. As you may imagine, I am always reluctant to use the term "good" in case anyone is listening in from the Hubris Detection Unit - Cruel and Ironic Twist Department.

I did start something new, but first...

After all the whining, I thought I'd add the cheese:

The Socks

That's right - those the socks. Don't look like much to be so worked up about, eh? Oh how little people suspect the truth. Well, not little-people but how-little. You know.

So just thought I'd take a picture and point out a few strange bulges. One is the extra sock underneath to cut the chill wind. The ankle on that foot is fairly sensitive to cold - the result of a few pigeon-toed ankle rollover accidents in my younger days. And the other sock? Well I have one foot (and leg really) that is larger than the other and therefore my socks require more slack in the ankle area on that side; trouble is, I can never remember which foot. Added bonus, I over-compensated for the size difference anyway so I can't tell if I picked the ~~right~~ uhm, correct foot from this set of socks. So. Done, blog documented (extensively), and photographed for posterity or at least my own curiosity later in life. Time to move on... if I can.

Learn, girl. Use a pattern and you won't have to frog a jillion times!

Yes. New project. Maybe I'll do a 2nd post for the 9th? I like keeping ideas ... oh let's call it "organized". See part two, true believers. Or even just the mildy curious in a bored mood with some time to kill.

Type on!
C

1-8-10

2010-01-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out that the socks work pretty good - after I added an extra layer of practically worn out wool mix scavenged from the previous set of rag socks.

There is an odd benefit to the cotton: the ability to breath works for good as well as evil. In case anyone cared, I am a sweater. As I mentioned yesterday it's like large wildlife after storming the castle around here in the summer. Thick socks in winter usually wind up providing... oh.... lets' say, a moist warmth after a few hours on. Not so much today and I'm wearing three layers of sock. Pretty nifty.

Why am I so obsessed with my feet and these socks? No, I'm asking. Maybe it part of the malaise. Cold days, hard working heaters, lack of sunlight all conspire to make me obsess over my little depression problem. Add in the constant need to nap - "need" as in that I simply could not keep my eyes open for any length of time these past few days. Now smother the whole thing in stupidly paralyzing self-pity and you've got an almost complete lack of productivity on my part. I want to crochet more, but I sleep more instead.

Weird. Know that I think about it (BTW - good reason to keep a diary - forces a form of introspection that can be re-visited and evaluated for its basis in reality.) I don't really want to crochet. Don't feel like it when I first regain consciousness. But once I pick up the hooks I get into it. Of course I can't make anything look like I want to and wind up ripping everything down to the slip knot and starting over which only further decreases the production tally. And then once I've gotten the crochet-y rhythm back its past midnight and time to think about winding down for the day.

Hmmm - mostly because there is nothing to watch on TV. Apparently "basic cable" means free TV with fabulous reception that you get to pay for. Not anything new or anything that I at least haven't seen a thousand times before. Sometimes it's like I need constant fresh stimulation for my brain to justify staying awake. I keep wondering if maybe music could fill the void that TV presents. I think I have a boom box thingy in storage. My whole life is in storage. Waiting for me to get a home with enough room so I can be me with my things. 6, 7 years now. I'm not progressing forward. Feels more like I'm retreating into the spackle.

Been researching MP3 players. Jeez! It would probably be cheaper to rent a band for the day. Have to be a seedy little jr. high schooler garage band though. Broke and without prospects.

Don't know. Don't care. Time to go to bed. Maybe I won't toss and turn until the sun comes up only to fall asleep til the afternoon this time. And maybe the huge-steaming-pile-of-crap fairy doesn't start her rounds at my house every stinking day.

Hugs and Kisses, Hooks and Stitches
C

1-7-10

2010-01-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

Finally finished the socks. They look awful and are not warm enough. I made a double layer toe cup and the chill cuts right through the cotton. It's particularly noticeable now that the temperature is dropping in a suspiciously rapid way.

I used cotton yarn. Before hand I'd only ever used acrylic. Scary acrylic. $1 a ton acrylic. Was ok in the warmth department, but definitely not soft... nor hardy. My heels cut through those bad boys in a couple of weeks.

The last batch of socks I made were in an acrylic/wool mix. Very warm and pretty hardy - unfortunately the skeins were tiny. Had to supplement with lingering scraps of that same scary acrylic. Now, being the genius that I am about yarn, I used Mr. Acrylic for the heels thinking it had to be stronger than the super soft blend. Duh. Crap-damn-tastic.

As an aside: my yarn ignorance, oddly enough, is not the reason that I only use crochet thread; however, it is a major consequence of that thready habit.

Anyway. I am hesitant to try pure wool because I sweat like a circus animal in line at the DMV and worry about accidental felting and/or wet-sheepie odor mingling with the naturally delectable aroma of those self-same sweat bucket gun boats I call feet.

That's why I gave the cotton a go. I guess I had heard that cotton "breaths". But come on! This cotton yarn is sucking in huge gulps of ice speckled atmosphere and giving my feet, with their poor circulation, the frozen airing of a lifetime!

Ah well, live and learn. At least the colors are bright and cheerful.

Maybe I should give that banana yarn a go. It's soft and cuddly and chunky. Has a lot of breaks in it though.

Oh, who cares? I'm tired of this... and pretty much everything else as well. I don't respond well to criticism (no - really) and yet I insist on putting myself out there with free patterns. All someone had to say on Ravelry was that the pattern didn't work for her and I am rummaging in the dumps for any vestige of my alleged self-esteem. It's a crochet pattern and she said she "casted on" last night so I'm assuming crochet is a second language for her and - for the love of God, it's not like I sold it to her or have any kind of business reputation to protect.

I know I'm crazy, but does it have to be the petty and childish flavored variety? That's not glamorous or interesting just pathetic and annoying. People like me don't get to star in the movies of the week - we're usual cast as the mentally unstable vagabond-type on a delusion based violence spree of vengeance and wrath. No one seems to get that its more about despair and the desperate need to feel something other than the burning lash of whispering lies or the deafening screams of self-loathing.

I am overly-sensitive to everything in life. That's why I'm a recluse. But the internet sings to me seductively of opportunity and connection. Right now that means that I want to re-focus my etsy shop. Focus it period. I don't know on what. Self confidence and judgment are circling the drain and I can't decide what has the balance of fun-to-make and sells-well that will get me out of my head long enough to do production work.

Maybe it's the meds in conflict with the mood, but I'm tired. In so many ways.

Just feeling sorry for myself yet again.

To sleep. Perchance to dream... of crocheted items and frozen nights.

C

1-6-10

2010-01-07T00:18:00.000-08:00

Finally wrote up a blog post about the one million giraffes project. Not sure whether to make more or just send in pic of the prototypes and the photo op one. Eh. Decide manana.

Worked on that left sock - again. Tried it on then ripped it out hoping for a better fit. Then got a good enough fit but ran out of the yarn. About right. Suits the way I've been feeling lately. Post holiday malaise I think. I'll live.

Anyway, spent the day with the sock and even started in on the right one - diff color yarn. I buy pretty colors in singular quantities and by the time I figure out what I want to use them for... well, I run out. All okay though. Just for me around the house. Funny, I'm such an unfashionist that I would wear them in public if I would just put an adequate sole on them. thank Heaven for the favors that come from sloth. ;-)

Actually, this is the first time I've actually used something I bought solely 'cause it were purty. Usually I just hoard them covetously until the black hole of lost socks and missing items sucks them in. Well, if all I want is to ogle the color what better way than on the gigantic crooked feet?

Au-sum!

;-)
Hook it!
C

1-5-10

2010-01-06T00:47:00.000-08:00

Yawn. Another late night due to sleepless previous night and complicated by ridiculously long afternoon/early evening nap.

I did get down to some crocheting as well as to a good deal of pattern writing time - well "good deal" for me. Something like 2 hrs here, hr there, 3 hrs right now.

I don't have much to show for all my "labor" today. I'm making industrial style Herman Munster-esque sock slippers. Ostensibly to keep the toes warm despite the weather but also to provide a somewhat more impenetrable double layer barrier of yarn. Good thing too. Big storm acomin'. Hard freeze in the land of sun and shadows. Huh? Do like the way that sounds but ... huh?

Now I feel a rush to finish the socks. There for me and all but the ones I'm wearing look like rags. Like the infamous bachelor slob underwear that is little more than a waistband with loose threads dangling in a precariously fringed loin cloth.

I'm rough on footwear. Footwear is rough on me. Pigeon-toed, obese and diabetic is quite a powerful combination. Throw into the mix heel calluses that would make course grit sand paper self-immolate in a fit of shame driven spontaneous combustion, and you have the creation of the perfect DMZ for my battle with footwear. No clinically depraved shoe collection numbering in the gazillions for this girl. Shoes aren't "yummy" for those whose feet are under constant siege.

So many words. I'm weary of thinking and plagued by the need for editorial intervention.

It's gonna be cold. The socks are slow going. Clothes take too damn long to make. Especially without a pattern. Rip, crochet, sleep and repeat.

Verbal incontinence aside,
Night night
C

1-4-10

2010-01-05T02:11:00.000-08:00

Maaaan, my sleep cycle is way waaaaaay off. So's the posting. Does it really matter when this is more of a diary type of blog. Great blackmail material if I had anything to be blackmailed for... about? Wonder which is correct? oh well

Not much in the way of crafty or even creative crossed my path today.

Wrapped a couple of things for a super secret shenanigan and going on that I'm currently perpetrating. Bwa haha.

Made some toes. Well toe ends for some new slipper socks. My own toes are always cold. Damned diabetes! Feel like I'm constantly making more foot warmers - the heels wear out so quickly. Dry, cracked, evil skin action on my heel just rips right through. I'm gonna try doubling up the heel cup in super tight linked sc. Maybe that will make them last a little longer. I hope that won't make them too uneven - I'm already a pigeon-toed trip-to-the-floor waiting to happen. Gravity needs no help from uneven hosiery.

Just spent about three hours working on a pattern I've had in a holding pattern for ages. Now that I finally have access to a computer 24/7 I can type whenever the mood strikes. Hm. Have I heard people say "When the muse strikes them?" I was about to type that then thought that that was a rather rude thing for one's creative inspiration demi-goddess to be up to. The tart. Although I guess there are boy muses. Not just for buy artists either I imagine. Ok. What the hell am I talking about now? ;-)

The chair height is better in the new configuration of my computer station (re: crappy old desk and cat-ravaged comfy desk chair I bought back when I had cash. or was it when I had credit? Must be the latter, because I've never had cash.

Hm?

Oh, yeah - the point!

Chair is better height, desk is better height so I can work on patterns for a longer period of time without suffering the aches and pains of outrageous positions the next day. Still 3- 4 hours is my limit for staring at a computer screen. My neck and shoulder are beginning to ache because of all the mouse action but nothing like when I was using the computer on that folding table in the living room. The one coupled with the task chair with broken hydraulics (my ass is grand and powerful) and the backrest with the rubber stripped to the wood by my darling yet evil fur-lined companions. Now my brother hunches in that Bob Crachit worthy computer station with the brand spanking new computer. I got the old one - the alleged loaner that we haven't dared ask if we have to return to his buddy. This is the only way we can both be working at the same time. Working, surfing, goofing off - whatever. In fact the only problem with the current arrangement of my work station is that my big fat head is between the overhead light source and the work surface. My hands are in darkness which is no big deal if I'm staring at the screen working between 2 different open application windows but if I have to physical wield pen to paper I may as well take the aspirin now because the eyes will strain, the head will hurt, the neck will stretch out of shape, the shoulder will start to hunch and then the real whining will commence.

Suddenly tired. Wasn't going to say much because I didn't do much, but hell, my consciousness streams where it will and I'll just tag along for the ride. Good thing I know how to swim, the creek is getting a little deep in places. Anyone got a paddle I can borrow?

:-)
Hook like the wind,
C

1-3-10

2010-01-04T03:59:00.000-08:00

Hmm. That 10 still doesn't come naturally.

On the 3rd day of new year, the Cecinatrix did this:

- roughed out a written pattern by counting stitches of the final white-thread prototype from yesterday

- tested/fine-tuned pattern in white-thread (stitch, write, stitch, rip, erase, repeat)

- made photo version in goldenrod (I think - kind of orangey - I should check maybe it was golden yellow - Aunt Lydia's really needs to find a thesaurus and drop golden from one of those two colors - it's confusing and I'm already plenty confused anyway

- made a yellow one with shorter torso - didn't like the look went with the other one

- took pix, saved as jpeg

- photoshoped the mother within an inch of its life

- powerpointed the chart, saved as jpeg

- MSworded the instructions, saved as giraffe applique (very original on my part)

- proofed words against chart and vice versa

- inserted jpegs into word doc

- print as-ed the whole thing into a pdf file (gotta love that shareware)

- sent copy directly to the requesting fan - aka internet crochet buddy

- uploaded to ravelry

Seems anal to type it all out like this, but writing patterns is butt-loads of work and I'm not about to yadayadayada it into "finished giraffe pattern". No siree, Bob. I want accolades, pity, respect, surprise, awe .. ok ok! Too megalomaniacal, even for me. How about acknowledgment that I did something approaching work today! Now, go tell my family - they don't believe me when I say it.

Hook on, my peeps (Man! Do I need sleep.)
C

1-2-10

2010-01-03T01:08:00.000-08:00

What did I do today? (Before I forget)

The 2nd day of the new year:

1) finished a crocheted heart book (shhhh. it's a surprise for someone)

2) worked on a giraffe applique requested by an online crochet buddy

3) checked obsessively (yet again) the USPS tracking site for info on that package I mailed Dec 12th and that US customs held onto until Dec 27!! Bastards! The post office charged me for a 6 to 10 day delivery and then held it in Jersey for 15 days????? Seriously, bastards! I wonder if I should demand a refund or just let it slide since it was Christmas and apparently crocheted objects are potentially lethal and on the "Eh-maybe-it's-okay fly list"? You know, for all our ethnocentric and jingoistic stereotyping of the German people, German customs cleared the package in 45 minutes. Not 15 days!! Of course I don't know where it is now - always pay for detailed tracking. I'm going nuts waiting to see if a) it gets there at all and b)how the recipients enjoyed the surprise. I love surprising people even if it is only with my humble little crocheted "ob'jets du craft"

(oh, so by the way - shhhhh. It's a surprise for someone.)

4) napped and staved off eggnog's revenge with some preemptive administration of the most righteous Imodium - God I love chemistry!

Hmm?

A little TMI?

You Betcha, Fella!

Live long and hook,
C

More about the snakies

2010-01-01T23:29:00.002-08:00

Yes, again! I don't have a lot going on in my life so I like to talk about every little thing that pleases me until I can't stand even thinking about it anymore.... aaaaaaaannnnnnddddd I'm nowhere near that point yet. Suffer along with me if you will.

Basically just a few fun pictures. I couldn't help myself - they look so cool and/or funny to me all stacked together like this:

from top

from front

I liked the look of the 2-sided blank-back version of the rattlers that I made earlier; however, I was running out of time more quickly than even I thought I was so I opted for the cardstock back and glue method of finishing. It still hides the messy underside tangle of threads and has the added bonus of being quick and easy to sign:

Anyway, I don't know that it matters. No one has said word one about the snakes. No that's not true. When I called my aunt to wish her a happy new year she did mention it and passed on thanks from my great-aunt. This is the great-aunt that crochets. I remember the poodles (yes the bottle poodles) - so resplendent in their 70's colors and vibe. I don't know if she's why the call to thread was instilled in me - I remember that crochet was popular and everyone did it. I remember my great-aunt was a diva with the hook, and I respected that then and now.

I think the call originates from my mother. My mother tried teaching me to crochet. Poor Mom, she deserved better, all I ever wanted to make were long chains of... well... chain stitch. I remember her working on the sawed off broom handle when broomstick crochet was hitting it's original heyday. I remember the little holiday motifs people at Mom's work used to make to earn a little extra cash. I loved those things. Bunnies, Shamrocks, Christmas trees and wreaths and candy canes all "packaged" (re: pierced) with a straight pin - ready to wear. She would bring them home to me all the time. I loved those things and not just because I loved her and that I was touched that she always thought of me although that is a huge part of the whole deal. I think that's where my love of crochet motifs came from. No i know it. I used to store them in my little girl toy jewelry box. They were more precious than any jewels. I was a klutz and kept losing just one ruby from the earrings I would get in recognition of my birthday - my birthstone. Maybe I've never been a huge jewelry person. Occasionally but not obsessively. It's throwing pearls before swine not on them but the result it the same. Maybe you have to feel good about yourself to want to adorn yourself with the glittery and expensive.

Well well. I didn't want to get all nostalgic this New Year's Day, but my self restraint seems to have abandoned me yet again. Overwhelmed yet again I imagine.

Alas.

I leave off tonight with a few "fun-with Photoshop" pix involving snakes and holiday glee. whoopee.

Damned Blogger! I'll have to post the rest later. They make me happy so I want to post them on walls - blog walls. Blog graffiti. I wonder if they are safe are their any of the community-service conscripts out there trying to clean up e-space? Now that would be punishment - don't just read the crap but scrub it off the face of the earth.

Hmm.

Hook on.
C

Crazy Broad and the Kennedy Center Honors

2009-12-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

I watched the Kennedy Center Honors last night celebrating the 2009 inductees: Mel Brooks, Dave Brubeck, Grace Bumbry, Robert De Niro and Bruce Springsteen. Being a bit of a philistine, I was unfamiliar with the pianist and composer Dave Brubeck and the opera singer Grace Bumbry; although, there were performances in the retrospectives of their individual accomplishments that seemed to spark flittery vagaries of recognition in the hazy, dreary event horizon of my memory. Maybe it was that unfamiliarity that sweetened the experience, but they were both stunning artists as well as amazing people.

Dave Brubecks radiant smile and glimmering eyes - the man lives for / IS music. Not often you see an 89 year old man grooving to the Boss. He was a different entity when the music was playing. More muse than man. It was beautiful to see.

Grace Bumbry was so stately and regal just sitting there! As an ingenue in the film clips, My God the woman was hot! Physically and artistically. I usually hate the sopranic voice - upper registers irritate my ears (crazy broad, remember?) - but her's was powerful and filled with passion.

I love all the inductees work, but what I watch the Kennedy Center Honors for is the humanity in the art. The passion for their art. The love for those honoring them. Mel Brooks alternatively mouthing the words to his songs along with the performers and being brought to tears in the most dignified and touching way I've ever seen. De Niro classy and a gentleman laughing with Brubeck, holding the chair for Bumbry. Springsteen clasping hands in a virtual high-five with President Obama.

It's a pleasure to see the good side of humanity.

But, of course, being the aforementioned crazy broad, I had the same bizarre reaction I always have when seeing talented artists perform passionately or even be moved emotionally - sadness. Jealousy that I've never felt that kind of passion. That I can never hope to create that kind of beauty. That I don't seem to feel anything with any kind of depth anymore.

People speak of following your bliss - I can't find mine. Nothing drives me. I am passionate about nothing... and the spiral opens up welcoming me to slide down its length into another depressive episode. But I won't get there. My medication keeps me anchored to the rim. I am immensely grateful for that. But sometimes I miss feeling.

Depression, with the capital and clinical "D", is a weird conundrum of freaky fun highs and bleakly numb lows. The functional numbness that comes from the medication is an acceptable trade-off for the stifling roller coaster numbness. Completely different animals, but I lack the words to describe the difference in flavor. Numb is numb? No. Numb is a suffocating fog of sense-deprivation and irrational, self-destructive thoughts. Numb is also the even keel that affords me the safe haven in which to weather out the inevitable emotional onslaughts of mental instability. Numb is most certainly not numb. But is passion possible in the face of either numbness?

I don't know. I simply know that the beautiful too often makes me weep in its beauty as well as in its in-attainability. And that makes the pursuit of art problematic.

Never any answers,
C

Whacking Day

2009-12-18T07:33:00.000-08:00

Every time I work on my Jingle-Back Rattlers, I hear Barry White singing "Can't Get Enough of your Love, Baby" as a Simpsons cartoon. "The sexy slithering snakes". Which of course leads me to choruses of "Oh Whacking Day" sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree". I could say that the Simpsons have overrun and ruined my lexicon of cultural references, but I prefer to think of it has having provided me with an endless collection of in-jokes that keep me amused throughout the day.

Anyway. Finished the rattlers. I'm feeling kind of tired. Sick-day tired. Immune system waging border defense against invading illegal alien microbes kind of tired. maybe because it's morning. Yes, Virginia, the Cecinatrix is no morning person. Maybe that's why steady employment has always been ... problematic.

It's a week before Xmas and I've only now finished the ornaments gifts? I don't know if this is the latest I've been, but I do know that it's the most apathetic I've every felt about it all. And everything really.

I'm in a funk. SADD? Maybe. I am definitively knee deep in a self-pitying pool of endlessly swirling doubt, self-loathing and childishness. But it helps having something to do, so I finished the snakes. Now I'm kind of in a quandary. Need to find and start a new project asap, before the pool starts to drain and take me with it. Need a mooring. Something engaging. Hell, just something. Need a trip to the Island of Misfiled Plans.

I don't keep an official list of ideas for projects - or maybe I do and don't remember where it is or even if I was a wake when I made it.

You know what? Who cares? I'm missing Elmo's World and I could use about 100cc of Muppet cuteness right about now.

To the TV
C

Ornament Love

2009-12-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

Mmmm. Wish I had a good pic to go with that title. Kinky.

Oops, perhaps I share too much.

So I took time off from the jingle-back rattlers (just thought of that - I really amuse myself sometimes - yay!) to make a little project I've been meaning to get to for months. Probably more than a year's worth of months, actually. Much to my chagrin.

Someone I met via someone else I met via Flickr (in the house that yahoo built) draws these great cute caricatures of Dr. Who personnel, but at the time hadn't done one of the Cybermen whom I vastly prefer over the salt and pepper shakers Hell-bent on dominating the universe (as long as there aren't any stairs) and yes, Daleks, I'm looking at you. Why the Cybermen? What's not to like about top-heavy shiny automatons Hell-bent on dominating the universe that have purse-shaped robot pets! My God!

Yet again, I digress.

Anywho, I left a comment to the effect that a Cyberman in her style would probably be ridiculously cute...

herk227

... and it was!

She actually took the time to draw one up! Ok, so I have self-esteem issues. Hell, who doesn't? However, the idea that someone would spend time creating something based on a comment I made really touches me. Always has. I am a total sap about such things and proud of it. I vowed to myself that I would make a 3D crochet version and send it to her in great appreciation.

That was aaaaaages ago and I feel the right proper ass. A secret shame I have is feeling hurt when no one wants to make me anything after I make things for them. I don't expect a return, don't want quid pro quo - just the lonely, wounded and hopelessly greedy child that lurks in the shameful shadows of my psyche likes to get "pwesents". So the idea that I haven't followed through on my desire to amigurumi-up a version of her drawing really grates me cheese. In fact, it's been starting to piss me off. Not the person I want to be. (Neither the angry nor the not-giving).

Part of my wanting to do something like this is to see if I can do it. I was pretty sure I could (sometimes my self-esteem suddenly inflates to delusional proportions - don't worry, thankfully, it doesn't last long), but since you never really know 'til you know...

Tee hee. I finished it. Pushed hard to finish it so can get it into the mail asap. International mail at Christmas time - I probably should have mailed it back in July! ;-)

I'll let her see it before I post the photo. Fair's fair.

As per usual, I got incredibly frustrated toward the end, but unlike earlier models of me, I persevered, finished and actually like it. The flaws don't all jump out at me obliterating my view anymore. Sure I still see them but I also see the stuff that worked out. Pharmaceutical intervention totally rocks!

Anyway. Back to the snakes. Still don't know about including a card. I really should invest in nice stationary and be done with the attempts at artsy cards. I prefer stressing myself out over the crocheted items and not the "fun with crayons". The latter is what journals can be for after all.

So.

Slithering to the hook,
C

Ahh. Another day in paradise

2009-12-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

Well at least it isn't purgatory today. :-)

More on the rattlesnake Xmas ornaments - made 4 at first to get in international mail in a timely fashion. Hmmm. Cutting that pretty close - yikes!

Any who...

As tired as I am of simply gluing the fridgie style motif to card stock and going on my merry way, the alternative I embraced for those original 4 was a time consuming pain in the ... tushie. "Tushie", bah! Sounds so childish and cutesy and that's not where my mind is today - What I wanted to say was "tuhkus" but I have no idea how to spell it. I love gathering words but pick many of them up aurally and would not recognize them should I see them written.

So, the snakes, I opted to make a blank version to sew to the back of the decorated versions with the intention of gently stuffing the resultant inner space with scraps of craft felt. My usual routine for making dimensional creatures is to just work in the round - amigurumi style. But since I had already made the flat motifs I wanted to use them. So I made the four. Took forever and looks kind of ... forced maybe? I didn't make the body coil thick enough to round up as nicely as the neck section does. Flat 3D is fine for these 4 but I think I'll go back to flat on card stock for the rest.

It's not like anyone appreciates them anyway. I do it for me. A strange sense of fealty to my need to please and surprise others. Sort of half genuine affection - half neurotic delusion. Case in point: I had considered just making the next ones real 3D, like actual little Hallmark store ornaments but out of thread and not so well made. But that is a lot of work and although I am legitimately under time constraints which negate the efficacy of this plan, the truth of it all is that I simply don't want to spend all that time on little tchotche's that go largely unappreciated. uuugh (shiver of self disgust)

That is so tacky and I despise admitting that I feel that way almost as much as I loathe actually feeling that way. Gifts are for the love of giving not the expectation of praise or even reciprocity. I do believe that and yet the self-pitying trolls of selfish desire still trudge through the muck and bile of my soul. Ugly little view into my heart. Having said that, I do believe that a lot of people feel this way and simply deny the fact. Not a justification (no, sincerely)- an observation of the human condition. Indeed I wish I had the ability to deny those feelings and about a thousand other horrible selfish behaviors and thoughts that bubble up in the roiling mire of my soul.

Uhm.

Self disgust aside, I still have to decide on how to make the rattle bit of the snakes. The scale is too small for anything I've tried so far - which really have only been mild derivations of the same basic idea. I keep wanting to make a cone like taper at the end of the tail in metallic thread. The lame` is too thick and the sewing thread too thin. Maybe some combination of the two. hmm.

Oddly enough, I enjoy making these ornaments. I like the challenge. However, as this blog entry shows,I'm falling prey to the same old sub-creature - I love coming up with ideas and even developing a way to realize them in physicality but I have no real interest in production of anything once I've solved the puzzle. Just like school and life for me. I work toward a goal only to abandon it once achieved. I've tried to explain this behavior if only to myself:

Boredom - "Figured it out. Been there, done that, so what."

Dismissal of its validity -"How good can it be if I achieved it?"

Plain ole psychosis - "You wish it were that easy to explain you lazy, lazy thing."

Ah well. Ultimately, doesn't matter. Just better to get the bats out of the building for awhile so I can muck out the belfry. Or at least give it a good airing. Blogging as therapy for the attention seeking exhibitionist. sigh

To the hook!
C

Just another Maniac Monday

2009-12-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

Not strictly speaking a maniac but certainly like to play with psycho-reactive drugs.

Doesn't "psycho-reactive drugs" sound so much more dangerous and exotic than anti-depression medication. Maybe that's just me. Oooo. Double meaning.

What the what am I talking about?

Nothing as usual. I just want to get back into the practice of writing daily - even if it has to start with utter nonsense of interest to not even me.

So, spent the weekend wrestling with the Christmas ornament du jour. "Du an" maybe. I forget what the French word for "year" is and, well, looking it up involves effort...

Okay - de l'année per Yahoo! Babelfish

Hmm, kinda overly-pretentious sounding. Really wanted another mildly pretentious "du" word. Du moment? Du temps? I use Babelfish because I love the Hitchhiker's Guide reference. Anything that makes me smile wins my loyalty. Unfortunately it isn't a very precise translation system. Like most non-human translation, idioms are lost and the direct word-for-word method results are awkward at best.

So the Christmas ornament de l'année - a red and green diamond-back rattle snake in Santa Hat. I"m having trouble with inspiration these days. Energy level hovers weakly within the toilet bowl in grave danger of being flushed away entirely. I just don't like the way it's turning out. Can't figure out how to make the rattle look right at this small scale - my preferred small scale. I heard once that small work was a sign of timidity at best and self-loathing at worst. Maybe I exaggerated that - I tend to do that. Love melodrama. Can feel melodrama. Don't seem to feel much else anymore.

Something about using small notebooks results in small ideas. Small is fast and fun and holds my attention. The idea of anything more time consuming than a bracelet leaves me not only uninspired but filled with seemingly insurmountable amounts of inertia.

Anyway. Made a few test snakies and got them to a stage I'm reasonably happy with but now am at a loss for how to proceed. I usually just glue the little Xmas motifs to cardstock, creating a little one-sided ornament and be done with it. But I always feel it necessary to package such trinkets in a handmade card so I can write down some sentiments and well wishes. I am simply not feeling it this year. Not terribly certain if it's this weird sense of detached ennui I have partially woken up with or something more sinister - craft wise.

And just, pray tell, would that be, idiot? Sometimes I love spinning words and not making any sense or more accurately, I love weaving hyperbole and melodrama out of unnecessarily expressive words...and apparently I really enjoy talking to myself - otherwise why blog in a vacuum?

Anyway, I didn't like the card I made last year. Looked childish. Worse, looked like an amateur with delusions of artistic ability too lazy to acquire the proper tools for a particular project. ie cards too waxy for my colored pencils as well as the Sharpies I tried to fix the lines with. The only card I actually think had any artsy merit was from 3 years ago. It had an elegance I can't seem to recreate.

So this year I was thinking of doing a crocheted background in the shape of a diamond and just slip stitch embroider a generic message of holiday cheer on the back. But it takes too long to make a solid crocheted diamond shape and I'm losing the will to complete any of this even as I speak/type.

Would still need a note to personalize it. Do I have any stationary? Is it in storage like most of my life?

It's hot, the heater is drying out my eyeballs, I'm itchy, there's a cat on the keyboard and my chest, my head is beginning to hurt, I'm getting cranky, my feet are cold, I feel the need to call myself names and berate myself over my inability to realize anything worthwhile. This is what people that have not experienced Depression with the big "D" will never understand - these are all thoughts and behaviors that poison the mind, weaken the soul and make suicide seem deceptively viable. The melodrama speaks of my desperation to feel better. This is what happens when the meds have worn off and I can feel again. I feel the unreal the dark the painful the unnatural. Feel it all. Hate it all. And yet it will pass and I will be drained of strength and unable to be functional despite the outward semblance of normality. And so the trade off in taking my prescriptions is the removal of the highs and lows that spawn huge surges of emotion and imagination but also disembowel my ability to create to be replaced with the tedious partially-functional ennui that fills my days.

I feel better. Purged the demons from the belfry without causing myself harm (fortunately, immediate self-destruction isn't part of my psychological map). I can understand the cutting, the shooting, the drugs booze and sex - I just don't have to go there, not yet hopefully not ever. Words, melodrama, they break the bell jar open so I can breathe and appear normal again. I am grateful for that and hope that they always remain enough.

See? Now, this is why people fear Depression and the Depressed. It isn't infectious but it isn't a pleasant ride even to watch or read. I get it, I would fear being drawn into the pit by association if I weren't already swirling around in there nicely.

Apologies for freaking out anyone that happens to stop by, but sometimes the need to purge overwhelms any decent societal protocols or good judgment. I usually write this down on paper for my own eyes only. Not sure why I'm drawn to the blog instead. Hoping to get caught? Needing to share? Narcissism? Exhibitionism?

Probably.

Reaching for the hook.
C

Bejeweled Molecules

2009-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Is be-beaded a real word?

Well, the fowl carcass is being reclaimed by the Earth at the local landfill and the tryptophan-induced stupor has all but lifted and we return to thoughts of "Where the hell did the year go?!" It's freakin' Nov 30th. When did that happen?

But back to the subject at hand. I finally got out the camera and took photos of the molecules I've been harping on about. I used the smaller square beads as the chemical bonds and larger round(ish) beads as individual atoms - color coded within individual structures because I am just that ridiculously literal at times.

I'm not sure how I feel about how they turned out. Big, unwieldy, with ill-defined corners since I didn't use wire and the lame thread is rather bulky anyway. Oh well. Just thought I'd post the photos and look at them periodically to see how they grow on me. (I can't leave the actual things sitting around or the cats will suddenly develop wicked cases of chew-toy fever.)

Soooo...

Lots of work. Kinda fun. Kind of like them. Kind of don't. Maybe more turkey would help. Did I see some in the fridge?????

Hook On!
C

OH Thank God that Nonsense is Over.

2009-11-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

Talking about the inside out garment. Woke up Saturday knowing it was the last possible day to mail the packet and still make the deadline without magical incantations or science-nifty transporter technology. By the way - where is that technology? Has Star Trek lied to us? Has TV failed to accurately predict the future yet again?

Anyway. Saturday noon-ish and I settled into my chair hook in hand and picked up the beast. I had gone to bed convinced that I could bulldoze my way through and get it done. Funny what sleep deprivation can convince us of in the hazy twilight of a 3 am bedtime.

I may have mentioned it before, but I don't make garments. I'm what I like to call a big gal and the idea of using a bazillion dollars worth of fiber to make an article of clothing that would most likely fail to contain my considerable mass in a comfortable or even passably attractive fashion ranks right down there with willingly submitting to an appendectomy performed rectally - without anesthesia - by drunken medical ~~professionals~~ "enthusiasts" - and with a rusty set of medieval surgical gear. In addition, I am a lazy, lazy woman with a short attention span so I balk at the prospect of spending years wrestling skein after hank after bale of yarn into submission for something I'll never wear.

I digress.

The point is I don't make garments and, consequently, I do not know how to crochet garments. But ignorance has never stopped me from trying to figure something out blindly before. Therefore: I hooked my way into a hood that fit in a really cool drapey way thinking that fiber genius was mine. Until I got to the shoulders and made a stair-step looking mess out of the whole thing. Worst of all - it didn't fit the girth of my fatness shoulder-wise and I'm all I have for a model.

I had considered renting/purchasing a mannequin to serve as model as that was how the venue would be displaying the items, but what the hell would I do with the creepy ass thing in my apartment after this was all over? Not about to start crocheting garments for a living. Too much hassle - too much work. Shaping and ease and darts and seams - uuuhhhhgghhhhh (phonetic shivering fit).

The idea of an inflatable gentleman's companion as model ricocheted around inside my head until I realized that was a mailing list I didn't want to be on - again. (Long, embarrassing yet ultimately boring story.) Besides, the nettle yarn has some sharp pointy edges on it. Pop goes the floozy!

What the hell was I talking about?

Seriously.

Oh. Saturday. So I couldn't decide whether to leave the stair-step shoulders in, Bob Cratchit my way to completion, and hope the damn thing would fit a mannequin or just forgo "answering the call" and rework the mess to fit my own body as well as my own purposes. The hood was large and probably would be vastly out of proportion to a thin person shaped torso. It was getting very heavy (crochet does that). I probably didn't have enough in me to finish it properly...

...and suddenly the epiphany of divine counsel lit my soul from within -

"Get over thine self, darlin' o' mine"

There was absolutely no guarantee that the damned thing would be accepted so why kill myself to create a malformed, half-assed crap fest of an actualization of my vision/idea/statement/point? Soooo, I frogged the mother and subsequently feel so much better.

I will get back to it eventually. And it will say what I wanted it to say without deadline dictated compromises. I am determined to finish what I start in my life (thank you therapy) but I have also come to an understanding of the limits to the value of stress ('nother shout out to therapy). Although challenging myself to satisfy artificial time constraints imposed by others is a beneficial exercise in the development of self-discipline, responsibility and other various and sundry adult-like behaviors, the world won't end if I fail to rise to the challenge. One step at a time, dagnabbit! Finishing the project at all is victory enough sometimes. This time.

Sounds like justification, huh? I'm nowhere near "cured" - I still need convincing that certain behaviors are self-destructive and must therefore be knocked the hell off. This time I saved the $200 psych bill and convinced myself. Justifing my own ass into submission.

...and so, another day down. On to the next.

Hook on!
C

The yarn, the yarn!

2009-11-05T06:38:00.000-08:00

Fiber Spoils

They were waiting in the mailbox on Monday and I still love how they look and feel. The project is so much bigger than I had planned. Two days left. aaaaaaaaarrgghh!

Stress? Me? No, don't be silly.

Let's look at the pretty yarns some more.

Nana Silk from India

Pretty, shiny, super-bulky, soft if knotty and "fuzz-bally" in places. Makes me happy to look at and work with although I may need to get my hands on a larger hook to work with the left-overs. Not that I'm sure there will be any right now. Doesn't matter, I'm definitely acquiring more in different colors. I'm all itchy from wanting to make different things with this one.

Nettle Yarn from Nepal

Ever read the Goose Girl? I have plans for this yarn too. Rough, scratchy, stiff and very thin but so much fun. Triggers in me memories of fairytales and innocent youth spent reading and loved. sigh

It may seem that I'm currently making a piece with these highly disparate yarns simply for the sake of novelty but there must be more to it because I despise making long ie big projects. My attention span simply will not have it. But I'm in it for the long haul on this one because of the meaning I've assigned these fibers. More self-absorbed, lamentations over woes of my own conceit, but in that,an accurate reflection of my inner self.

I think I'm feeling a bit down today.

Good. I'm most eloquent when suffering. Or at least I like to think so. Makes the drudgery of repetitive activity feel appropriate and deserved instead of merely a decision.

Eloquent? Maybe vague? Either way, what bliss. (Apologies to Gomez Addams)

Hook on!
C